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The Nightstar Zoo • View topic - what's your weapon?

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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Mon Oct 07, 2013 4:58 am 
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Well, when the missing paperwork isn't an issue, then I would like to check out some hardware. Preferably something suitable for rooftop sniping form a couple of parsecs away, please.

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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Mon Oct 07, 2013 5:41 am 
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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Mon Oct 07, 2013 6:38 am 
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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Mon Oct 07, 2013 4:51 pm 
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I... I think I'm supposed to report here to receive my assigned forum weapon, although I don't really think there's such a thing as an antihandwavium-powered antiwave motion gun.

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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Tue Oct 08, 2013 1:46 am 
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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Tue Oct 08, 2013 1:59 am 
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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Tue Oct 08, 2013 3:36 am 
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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Tue Oct 08, 2013 9:04 am 
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Location: Largest Island, Sol III - invasion not recommended, terrain and wildlife extremely hostile.
I hope it's okay with the official armourers, but there was an urgent requirement and a dearth of authorised armourers around, so... I acquired something for Nemoricus based on their post in the "2013-09-08 - North End?" thread.

So! Here is a receipt acknowledging delivery of one (1) Beacon of Deity-Taunting by said Nemoricus, along with (since I've repeatedly been told I'm too honest for my own good) an itemised list of the hardware, software and meatware (such as bribe or blackmail susceptible personnel, or similar) security flaws, loopholes, backdoors, blindspots, authority conflicts and apparently misassigned overrides utilised in said acquisition, along with any I noticed on the way in or out.

By the way, good on whoever designed the thing, the guards have all read the pertinent sections of the Evil Overlord's List and knew not to fall for most of the usual tricks - but it seems that the compulsory training courses on resisting unauthorised access attempts, along with free food, drinks, entertainment, and pool, with automated disgruntled emails from another shift saying they'd been ordered to "cover for [you] you lucky bastards, can't wait for our turn," managed to get sufficient staff off-site for enough time that I only had to work with the automated defences. I'm still not sure if they actually fell for it, took a gamble because it sounded so good, decided it was a good enough excuse for a day off, or took pity on either Nemoricus or I and let me past.

Also, I have to apologise for the scorchmarks, craters, spent ammunition and wear and tear that were a result of the Beacon being legitimately assigned - as it was retroactively when you accepted the receipt, as per the appropriate emergency distribution subchapter. And believe me, finding that was possibly the most dangerous part of the whole thing - I don't know who you hired to write it, but I went through at least eight different programs trying to parse the damn thing, all of which deleted themselves and one of which self-destructed the computer it was working on (which shouldn't have been able to happen, but I guess that's what I get for buying that program from MesCorp). And that was after I tried doing it manually - I fell asleep four times, beating my Uni's student loan paperwork by one! The last time I was asleep for three days! I had to resort to reinstalling all eight programs and writing an interface for them to be able to work on a portion of the thing and pass any references to the program working on that eighth, as if I was working with some Lovecraftian tome or something. And even then, the MesCorp program somehow managed to make the machine it was working on grow mechanical tentacles and wings and try to murder me, chanting something in binary that I still hear occasionally, that seems to be making more and more sense as time goes on...

In my defence, Nemoricus really, really needed a weapon, right the hell then. Ignore any and all evidence that this was premeditated and planned for a long time, based on my own lack of a weapon. Nothing to see here, move along.


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Fri Oct 11, 2013 12:45 am 
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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Fri Oct 11, 2013 3:59 am 
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Oh, is this the wapentake?

All I need is a simple pikestaff, if you have such available.

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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Fri Oct 11, 2013 10:27 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Sat Oct 12, 2013 8:04 am 
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Bring a knife to a fist fight. Bring a gun to a knife fight. Bring a grenade to a gun fight. Bring mortars to a grenade fight. Bring thermonuclear devices to a mortar fight.

And if you're ever in a fight involving thermonuclear weapons, shoot first.


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Sat Oct 12, 2013 7:17 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Sun Oct 13, 2013 3:38 am 
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The difference between theory and practice is that theories seldom involve people screaming in terror.

Forum weapon: the humble Northern Pikestaff
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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Sun Oct 13, 2013 6:22 am 
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Bring a knife to a fist fight. Bring a gun to a knife fight. Bring a grenade to a gun fight. Bring mortars to a grenade fight. Bring thermonuclear devices to a mortar fight.

And if you're ever in a fight involving thermonuclear weapons, shoot first.


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Sun Oct 20, 2013 1:02 am 
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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Sun Nov 10, 2013 5:01 pm 
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Reporting for weapon issue! May I have a Strohl Munitions AP-130, please?

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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Thu Nov 14, 2013 3:23 pm 
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Bring a knife to a fist fight. Bring a gun to a knife fight. Bring a grenade to a gun fight. Bring mortars to a grenade fight. Bring thermonuclear devices to a mortar fight.

And if you're ever in a fight involving thermonuclear weapons, shoot first.


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Thu Nov 14, 2013 4:27 pm 
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Come to think of it, I never got a weapon. Something along the line of a double-bladed sword would be nice ... if a double-bladed light-saber is available, especially in purple, that would be super-sweet!

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The sextuple-bladed lightsaber. With three double lightsabers connected at perpendicular angles, in three different colors mind you, it's the perfect tool for the deadliest game of jacks in the world. Now, there is a slight problem with it, that there's only one on/off switch in the center-either all the blades are on or all the blades are off-but that's no problem for a Jedi with skills in Force Levitation, right?


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Sun Nov 17, 2013 3:18 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Wed Nov 20, 2013 7:08 pm 
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Last edited by Ishidan on Thu Nov 21, 2013 10:50 am, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Wed Nov 20, 2013 7:39 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Wed Nov 20, 2013 7:56 pm 
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The sextuple-bladed lightsaber. With three double lightsabers connected at perpendicular angles, in three different colors mind you, it's the perfect tool for the deadliest game of jacks in the world. Now, there is a slight problem with it, that there's only one on/off switch in the center-either all the blades are on or all the blades are off-but that's no problem for a Jedi with skills in Force Levitation, right?


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Sun Dec 01, 2013 8:38 am 
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Weapon: Meal, Ready to Explode.


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Tue Dec 03, 2013 1:35 pm 
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[Knock knock]

Excuse me, Junius Gallio, Mr. Armorer?

It seems I've somehow been passed by when it comes to the weapons side of things.

If it's not too much to ask, might I be assigned something with at most a reasonable chance of backfiring and/or killing me during normal operation?

I trust your judgement; you treated that Corinthian fellow alright.

Sincerely,

A guy terrified of that sextuple bladed lightsaber


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Tue Dec 03, 2013 6:24 pm 
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After 3 long, weaponless years, I became the wielder of the Doobie/Dobie gun!


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Tue Dec 03, 2013 6:57 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Wed Dec 04, 2013 12:55 am 
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I was issued pants.

That's not a complaint, I was literally issued pants. Now when we analyse all the modern conflicts we find the one thing that they all have in common* is that the winners all had pants. And by inference** if one has to be issued pants, and none of you lot were issued pants, then none of you have pants.

Ergo you should think very carefully before starting any troubles that history tells us statistically you're guaranteed to lose.

As the saying goes "In the kingdom of the pant-less, the man with pants goes blind." No wait ...


*Ignoring certain aggressive Koalazoids who we can treat as an extreme outlier, because they certainly can't be treated as a moderate anything, that is to say they are the exception which proves the rule.

**Or deduction, or inference, or deduction, or inference, or recursion.


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Wed Dec 04, 2013 1:11 am 
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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Wed Dec 04, 2013 1:15 am 
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