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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Mon Oct 07, 2013 4:58 am 
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Well, when the missing paperwork isn't an issue, then I would like to check out some hardware. Preferably something suitable for rooftop sniping form a couple of parsecs away, please.

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The world will look up and shout: "Spare us."
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Proud owner of Lil' Bertha, the massive sniper cannon atop of the armory. Her range is measured in parsecs and she has automatic gyrostabilization, quantum beam tunneling technology and FTL target acquisition probes.


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Mon Oct 07, 2013 5:41 am 
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max_da_killah wrote:
Well, when the missing paperwork isn't an issue, then I would like to check out some hardware. Preferably something suitable for rooftop sniping form a couple of parsecs away, please.


Easy enough.
*leads you to a massive cannon on the roof of the building*
Reckon I got the rooftop sniping part right, you meant sniping from on top a roof? Well this one goes both ways, as it's also good for sniping the roof of whatever building you're pointing it at.

Now, you specified "from a couple of parsecs away", 1 parsec being 3.26 light years. Obviously, we can't achieve such precision with a handheld device, hence why this unit is permanently bolted to the roof of this building. It's got your automatic gyrostabilization, your quantum beam tunneling technology, and of course your FTL target acquisition probes so you can see what you want to shoot at.

Of course, the mounting has limits to its ability to traverse and depress, so while you can hit targets that are parsecs away, you may have problems hitting targets that are on the ground within visual range. Uh, we did mention that when the Forum War happens, it'll be on THIS planet? But hey, if Nwabudike Morgan gives you any sass, you've got his number but good.


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Mon Oct 07, 2013 6:38 am 
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Ishidan wrote:
Reckon I got the rooftop sniping part right, you meant sniping from on top a roof? Well this one goes both ways, as it's also good for sniping the roof of whatever building you're pointing it at.
Ayup, I meant sniping from top of a roof. Am i right to assume that the "sniping the roof of whatever building i'm pointing it at" part implies enough impact force to obliterate the targeted roof? If so i would consider it a plus.

Ishidan wrote:
Now, you specified "from a couple of parsecs away", 1 parsec being 3.26 light years. Obviously, we can't achieve such precision with a handheld device, hence why this unit is permanently bolted to the roof of this building.
Well ... I hoped for something self-propelled...
Guess i can make do with a weapon-system permanently mounted on top of the armory.

Ishidan wrote:
It's got your automatic gyrostabilization, your quantum beam tunneling technology, and of course your FTL target acquisition probes so you can see what you want to shoot at.
Sweeeeeet!

Ishidan wrote:
Of course, the mounting has limits to its ability to traverse and depress, so while you can hit targets that are parsecs away, you may have problems hitting targets that are on the ground within visual range. Uh, we did mention that when the Forum War happens, it'll be on THIS planet? But hey, if Nwabudike Morgan gives you any sass, you've got his number but good.
She's still useful against aerial and orbital targets, isn't she?
Are there any objections of me lowering the armory into the ground so that the roof ends up on or slightly above ground level to negate the traverse and depress issue somewhat? I will of course provide blast-proof stairs and elevators to the entrance(s).


*gently caressing the barrel* May I name her "Lil' Bertha"?

BTW, where's the ammo? I need to zero her in and there are some nice asteroids in Epsilon Eridani that would make lovely targets.

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The world will look up and shout: "Spare us."
And I will laugh.


Proud owner of Lil' Bertha, the massive sniper cannon atop of the armory. Her range is measured in parsecs and she has automatic gyrostabilization, quantum beam tunneling technology and FTL target acquisition probes.


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Mon Oct 07, 2013 4:51 pm 
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I... I think I'm supposed to report here to receive my assigned forum weapon, although I don't really think there's such a thing as an antihandwavium-powered antiwave motion gun.

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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Tue Oct 08, 2013 1:46 am 
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max_da_killah wrote:
Ayup, I meant sniping from top of a roof. Am i right to assume that the "sniping the roof of whatever building i'm pointing it at" part implies enough impact force to obliterate the targeted roof? If so i would consider it a plus.

Depends on what the roof is made of, of course. You'd have no problems obliterating the roof of a wood and tarpaper civilian home, but I suspect a reinforced concrete bunker would merely get an interesting new pattern of stains based on what was on it at the time. You know, same as you'd expect from any other sniper rifle. All the extra gear is to provide range and stability more than power.

max_da_killah wrote:
She's still useful against aerial and orbital targets, isn't she?

If you see any...and don't miss. Remember, it's a sniper weapon, not a machine gun. Slow rate of fire. Not sure exactly how low, but you'll certainly end off with the chamber exploding in your face if you fire too fast.

max_da_killah wrote:
Are there any objections of me lowering the armory into the ground so that the roof ends up on or slightly above ground level to negate the traverse and depress issue somewhat? I will of course provide blast-proof stairs and elevators to the entrance(s).


I think the people who were depending on the high ground advantage of fighting on the roof may veto your plan.

max_da_killah wrote:
*gently caressing the barrel* May I name her "Lil' Bertha"?


You may, but I suspect calling her "Little LOTA" may be more appropriate. You may now archive-panic to get one of the two puns The big difference is not only size (0.5" bore diameter or so here, with a lot of support equipment around it) but flexibility of control-this one does need a straight line to its target.

max_da_killah wrote:
BTW, where's the ammo? I need to zero her in and there are some nice asteroids in Epsilon Eridani that would make lovely targets.

Ammo? You couldn't get this level of precision with a projectile weapon...it's an energy weapon. *taps a giant bank of electrical patch panels* Primary power source, wired right into the building for you. Of course, in any siege, any enemy with a brain will cut electrical power to the building first, so... secondary power generator, right here. *points to a room wherein sits a bicycle on a dynamo*


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Tue Oct 08, 2013 1:59 am 
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absentwizard wrote:
I... I think I'm supposed to report here to receive my assigned forum weapon, although I don't really think there's such a thing as an antihandwavium-powered antiwave motion gun.


If there was, would it antimatter?

Not like you'd be getting one, eh?

Besides, if you fancy yourself an AbsentWizard, why are you using a gun?

No, clearly, the proper weapon for an AbsentWizard is an AbsentStaff.
Pity I don't have one. I mean, I used to, but darned if I know where it went...it's just not here now...

I do, however, have this Abs Ent Staff +1.
A living tree creature that really pays attention to those trunk exercises, his torso looks like a literal washboard. (pity he didn't put so much attention into arms and legs...can't throw a punch worth beans...). He's officially your new assistant.


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Tue Oct 08, 2013 3:36 am 
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Ishidan wrote:
max_da_killah wrote:
Ayup, I meant sniping from top of a roof. Am i right to assume that the "sniping the roof of whatever building i'm pointing it at" part implies enough impact force to obliterate the targeted roof? If so i would consider it a plus.
Depends on what the roof is made of, of course. You'd have no problems obliterating the roof of a wood and tarpaper civilian home, but I suspect a reinforced concrete bunker would merely get an interesting new pattern of stains based on what was on it at the time. You know, same as you'd expect from any other sniper rifle. All the extra gear is to provide range and stability more than power.
Clearly some more test-firring to determine the impact effects on various materials is in order. NASA doesn't need the Voyager I anymore, does it?

Ishidan wrote:
max_da_killah wrote:
*gently caressing the barrel* May I name her "Lil' Bertha"?
You may, but I suspect calling her "Little LOTA" may be more appropriate. You may now archive-panic to get one of the two puns The big difference is not only size (0.5" bore diameter or so here, with a lot of support equipment around it) but flexibility of control-this one does need a straight line to its target.
Does she have an AI with a pronoun problem you haven't mentioned yet?
Also LOTA might have a problem with me using LOTAs name for something less megalomaniac and I would rather not duke it out with LOTA.
I briefly thought about calling her "Big Vera" but the mobility, traverse and depress handicaps seem to indicate an ancestry from "Big Bertha" and her descendants "Schwerer Gustav" and "Dora". So "Lil' Bertha" it is.

Ishidan wrote:
max_da_killah wrote:
BTW, where's the ammo? I need to zero her in and there are some nice asteroids in Epsilon Eridani that would make lovely targets.
Ammo? You couldn't get this level of precision with a projectile weapon...it's an energy weapon. *taps a giant bank of electrical patch panels* Primary power source, wired right into the building for you. Of course, in any siege, any enemy with a brain will cut electrical power to the building first, so... secondary power generator, right here. *points to a room wherein sits a bicycle on a dynamo*
So she really is a discontinuous hyperspace death ray with essentially unlimited ammo (as long as the armory has power), huh? You're too generous to me honored armorer.
*orders a 10m ani-plant as backup power-source and the largest EMP-device in the catalogue, to keep MesCORPs exploding GuardBots away, from Planet Mercenary*

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The world will look up and shout: "Spare us."
And I will laugh.


Proud owner of Lil' Bertha, the massive sniper cannon atop of the armory. Her range is measured in parsecs and she has automatic gyrostabilization, quantum beam tunneling technology and FTL target acquisition probes.


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Tue Oct 08, 2013 9:04 am 
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I hope it's okay with the official armourers, but there was an urgent requirement and a dearth of authorised armourers around, so... I stole acquired something for Nemoricus based on their post in the "2013-09-08 - North End?" thread.

So! Here is a receipt acknowledging delivery of one (1) Beacon of Deity-Taunting by said Nemoricus, along with (since I've repeatedly been told I'm too honest for my own good) an itemised list of the hardware, software and meatware (such as bribe or blackmail susceptible personnel, or similar) security flaws, loopholes, backdoors, blindspots, authority conflicts and apparently misassigned overrides utilised in said acquisition, along with any I noticed on the way in or out.

By the way, good on whoever designed the thing, the guards have all read the pertinent sections of the Evil Overlord's List and knew not to fall for most of the usual tricks - but it seems that the compulsory training courses on resisting unauthorised access attempts, along with free food, drinks, entertainment, and pool, with automated disgruntled emails from another shift saying they'd been ordered to "cover for [you] you lucky bastards, can't wait for our turn," managed to get sufficient staff off-site for enough time that I only had to work with the automated defences. I'm still not sure if they actually fell for it, took a gamble because it sounded so good, decided it was a good enough excuse for a day off, or took pity on either Nemoricus or I and let me past.

Also, I have to apologise for the scorchmarks, craters, spent ammunition and wear and tear that were a result of the Beacon being legitimately assigned - as it was retroactively when you accepted the receipt, as per the appropriate emergency distribution subchapter. And believe me, finding that was possibly the most dangerous part of the whole thing - I don't know who you hired to write it, but I went through at least eight different programs trying to parse the damn thing, all of which deleted themselves and one of which self-destructed the computer it was working on (which shouldn't have been able to happen, but I guess that's what I get for buying that program from MesCorp). And that was after I tried doing it manually - I fell asleep four times, beating my Uni's student loan paperwork by one! The last time I was asleep for three days! I had to resort to reinstalling all eight programs and writing an interface for them to be able to work on a portion of the thing and pass any references to the program working on that eighth, as if I was working with some Lovecraftian tome or something. And even then, the MesCorp program somehow managed to make the machine it was working on grow mechanical tentacles and wings and try to murder me, chanting something in binary that I still hear occasionally, that seems to be making more and more sense as time goes on...

In my defence, Nemoricus really, really needed a weapon, right the hell then. Ignore any and all evidence that this was premeditated and planned for a long time, based on my own lack of a weapon. Nothing to see here, move along.


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Fri Oct 11, 2013 12:45 am 
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max_da_killah wrote:
*orders a 10m ani-plant as backup power-source and the largest EMP-device in the catalogue, to keep MesCORPs exploding GuardBots away, from Planet Mercenary*


I should warn you that the cannon is not EMP-hardened. Firing off your new accessory will prematurely disable your own weapon.
Does anybody remember how well annie-plants take being in the blast radius of an EMP?

My atl-atl, on the other hand, will still function within design parameters.

(for those trying to put together my statements regarding the weapon's total size vice its bore diameter, you may now either picture it to have a giant, mechanically elevated barrel that sharply necks down to a tiny muzzle, with the surrounding barrel wall being packed with beam generators and cooling jackets (clearly what's in Max's mind) ...or it to have the undercarriage of a howitzer, culminating in a barrel that's entirely the size of a Barrett's. Like having Original!Nick's head on Boosted!Nick's body...whichever way you find more amusing.)


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Fri Oct 11, 2013 3:59 am 
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Oh, is this the wapentake?

All I need is a simple pikestaff, if you have such available.

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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Fri Oct 11, 2013 10:27 pm 
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Stanistani wrote:
Oh, is this the wapentake?

All I need is a simple pikestaff, if you have such available.


Sure do.

*tosses you a 10 foot long stout wooden pole whose head is a magnificently carved likeness of an Esox lucius.*

Good to see a man with simple tastes.


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Sat Oct 12, 2013 8:04 am 
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Psystorm wrote:
I hope it's okay with the official armourers, but there was an urgent requirement and a dearth of authorised armourers around, so... I stole acquired something for Nemoricus based on their post in the "2013-09-08 - North End?" thread.

So! Here is a receipt acknowledging delivery of one (1) Beacon of Deity-Taunting by said Nemoricus, along with (since I've repeatedly been told I'm too honest for my own good) an itemised list of the hardware, software and meatware (such as bribe or blackmail susceptible personnel, or similar) security flaws, loopholes, backdoors, blindspots, authority conflicts and apparently misassigned overrides utilised in said acquisition, along with any I noticed on the way in or out.

By the way, good on whoever designed the thing, the guards have all read the pertinent sections of the Evil Overlord's List and knew not to fall for most of the usual tricks - but it seems that the compulsory training courses on resisting unauthorised access attempts, along with free food, drinks, entertainment, and pool, with automated disgruntled emails from another shift saying they'd been ordered to "cover for [you] you lucky bastards, can't wait for our turn," managed to get sufficient staff off-site for enough time that I only had to work with the automated defences. I'm still not sure if they actually fell for it, took a gamble because it sounded so good, decided it was a good enough excuse for a day off, or took pity on either Nemoricus or I and let me past.

Also, I have to apologise for the scorchmarks, craters, spent ammunition and wear and tear that were a result of the Beacon being legitimately assigned - as it was retroactively when you accepted the receipt, as per the appropriate emergency distribution subchapter. And believe me, finding that was possibly the most dangerous part of the whole thing - I don't know who you hired to write it, but I went through at least eight different programs trying to parse the damn thing, all of which deleted themselves and one of which self-destructed the computer it was working on (which shouldn't have been able to happen, but I guess that's what I get for buying that program from MesCorp). And that was after I tried doing it manually - I fell asleep four times, beating my Uni's student loan paperwork by one! The last time I was asleep for three days! I had to resort to reinstalling all eight programs and writing an interface for them to be able to work on a portion of the thing and pass any references to the program working on that eighth, as if I was working with some Lovecraftian tome or something. And even then, the MesCorp program somehow managed to make the machine it was working on grow mechanical tentacles and wings and try to murder me, chanting something in binary that I still hear occasionally, that seems to be making more and more sense as time goes on...

In my defence, Nemoricus really, really needed a weapon, right the hell then. Ignore any and all evidence that this was premeditated and planned for a long time, based on my own lack of a weapon. Nothing to see here, move along.


MesCorp would like to affirm that all of those features are as designed and working well within parameters. If you would like a Watchman Program to watch (heh) over that program, you will have to purchase it separately. MesCorp makes no guarantees as to the performance of our Watchman software suite other than that it will absolutely annihilate any and all programs that you turn it loose on, including a randomly determined number of third party programs. Explosive self destruction is a free and mandatory add on; in order to disable this feature we offer a disabling program that may or may not also self destruct upon completion of objectives

MesCorp would also like to offer a friendly reminder to all Armourers, Prospective Armourers and Interlopers that as Forum Weapons Supplier, our Design & Build contract is bulletproof and any attempt to renege on said contract will result in withdrawal of our stock, whereupon the IFF transceivers on all hardware and software will be set to "detontate on attempted use".

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Bring a knife to a fist fight. Bring a gun to a knife fight. Bring a grenade to a gun fight. Bring mortars to a grenade fight. Bring thermonuclear devices to a mortar fight.

And if you're ever in a fight involving thermonuclear weapons, shoot first.


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Sat Oct 12, 2013 7:17 pm 
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mesmorino wrote:
MesCorp would like to affirm that all of those features are as designed and working well within parameters. If you would like a Watchman Program to watch (heh) over that program, you will have to purchase it separately. MesCorp makes no guarantees as to the performance of our Watchman software suite other than that it will absolutely annihilate any and all programs that you turn it loose on, including a randomly determined number of third party programs. Explosive self destruction is a free and mandatory add on; in order to disable this feature we offer a disabling program that may or may not also self destruct upon completion of objectives

MesCorp would also like to offer a friendly reminder to all Armourers, Prospective Armourers and Interlopers that as Forum Weapons Supplier, our Design & Build contract is bulletproof and any attempt to renege on said contract will result in withdrawal of our stock, whereupon the IFF transceivers on all hardware and software will be set to "detontate on attempted use".

So you're saying the best way to use one of your weapons against somebody is to trick them into buying it?


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Sun Oct 13, 2013 3:38 am 
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Ishidan wrote:
Stanistani wrote:
Oh, is this the wapentake?

All I need is a simple pikestaff, if you have such available.


Sure do.

*tosses you a 10 foot long stout wooden pole whose head is a magnificently carved likeness of an Esox lucius.*

Good to see a man with simple tastes.

*examines the staff*

Ah, a Northern Pikestaff. Many thanks!

*spins the staff rapidly around its balance point until it is a blur*

I shall wield it only in a righteous cause, or if it would be funny.

*smacks himself in the face and falls down unconscious*

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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Sun Oct 13, 2013 6:22 am 
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strange_person wrote:
mesmorino wrote:
MesCorp would like to affirm that all of those features are as designed and working well within parameters. If you would like a Watchman Program to watch (heh) over that program, you will have to purchase it separately. MesCorp makes no guarantees as to the performance of our Watchman software suite other than that it will absolutely annihilate any and all programs that you turn it loose on, including a randomly determined number of third party programs. Explosive self destruction is a free and mandatory add on; in order to disable this feature we offer a disabling program that may or may not also self destruct upon completion of objectives

MesCorp would also like to offer a friendly reminder to all Armourers, Prospective Armourers and Interlopers that as Forum Weapons Supplier, our Design & Build contract is bulletproof and any attempt to renege on said contract will result in withdrawal of our stock, whereupon the IFF transceivers on all hardware and software will be set to "detontate on attempted use".

So you're saying the best way to use one of your weapons against somebody is to trick them into buying it?


Buying it and using it! You are also allowed to give these weapons to your targets, but of course there is no profit in that.

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Bring a knife to a fist fight. Bring a gun to a knife fight. Bring a grenade to a gun fight. Bring mortars to a grenade fight. Bring thermonuclear devices to a mortar fight.

And if you're ever in a fight involving thermonuclear weapons, shoot first.


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Sun Oct 20, 2013 1:02 am 
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mesmorino wrote:
Buying it and using it!

I suspect buying it and allowing it inside their perimeter would be enough.


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Sun Nov 10, 2013 5:01 pm 
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Reporting for weapon issue! May I have a Strohl Munitions AP-130, please?

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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Thu Nov 14, 2013 3:23 pm 
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John Dallman wrote:
Reporting for weapon issue! May I have a Strohl Munitions AP-130, please?


Being a Level 5 God Mode Weapon, the AP-130 -and Strohl Munitions armaments in general- are absolutely NOT on the approved weapons list. Issuance of such weapons is under the purview of the Malevolent God (et cetera).

Might I direct you over to the MesCorp weapons rack? All of our weapons come with extra BOOM! Zinho or Whitehawke will be along to ISSUE you one shortly. Issue, as in you get what you get. In meantime, don't touch anything.

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Bring a knife to a fist fight. Bring a gun to a knife fight. Bring a grenade to a gun fight. Bring mortars to a grenade fight. Bring thermonuclear devices to a mortar fight.

And if you're ever in a fight involving thermonuclear weapons, shoot first.


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Thu Nov 14, 2013 4:27 pm 
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Come to think of it, I never got a weapon. Something along the line of a double-bladed sword would be nice ... if a double-bladed light-saber is available, especially in purple, that would be super-sweet!

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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Sun Nov 17, 2013 3:18 pm 
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Junius Gallio wrote:
Come to think of it, I never got a weapon. Something along the line of a double-bladed sword would be nice ... if a double-bladed light-saber is available, especially in purple, that would be super-sweet!

Well, looks like no one else's handling this, so maybe I'll try? Feel free to issue a recall or something if I'm doing this wrong.
Until then, though... well... there was a new shipment and someone who wasn't being paid enough to care seemed to think I was here to unload stuff, so maybe I can find something in here (rather than risk trying to pass through a security system that's had Mesmorino near it). Let's see... Aha! You said something about a light two-bladed saber?
Well, here: this may look like an ordinary ceremonial saber, but the officer it was made for had a desire for something potentially effective (as well as a sadly lacking grasp of physics). Completely weightless, thanks to some sort of antigravity thingy in the hilt, but the exotic materials that make it near-indestructable give it a mass of a few hundred kilograms, so it's pretty hard to swing (or to stop). Still, I'm sure you'll find a use for it.
Oh, the second blade? That's really some sort of gravatic construct that was probably meant to let it cut dark matter entities or some such (if you can find one small enough for this to matter), but the antigravity thing's come loose so the 'gravity blade' no longer matches the position of the matter one. Not quite sure what that'll do if it hits the user, but you'll probably want to be careful.
Enjoy!


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Wed Nov 20, 2013 7:08 pm 
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Junius Gallio wrote:
Come to think of it, I never got a weapon. Something along the line of a double-bladed sword would be nice ... if a double-bladed light-saber is available, especially in purple, that would be super-sweet!


Well, it would seem that the Armorers that Mesmorino called for have failed to show up for duty, so fine, I'll do it.

Hm. If a double bladed light saber is cool, then...

Welcome to your new weapon. The sextuple-bladed lightsaber. With three double lightsabers connected at perpendicular angles, in three different colors mind you, it's the perfect tool for the deadliest game of jacks in the world. Now, there is a slight problem with it, that there's only one on/off switch in the center-either all the blades are on or all the blades are off-but that's no problem for a Jedi with skills in Force Telekinesis, right?

Oh, you don't have Force TK? Well, good luck. I'm not entirely sure whether the blades are longer than your arm or not...

Edit: Previous version used the term "Force Levitation". According to Wookiepedia, Force Levitation exclusively refers to levitating oneself, not levitating other objects. The general term is Force Telekinesis. Use of "Force Levitation" to refer to gripping one's weapon without using the hands changed here to prevent fanrage.
And yes, the resulting star-shaped death machine is more like something a Sith would think up. Heck, just imagine the sound that throwing this thing around the room would produce, with six instances of "lightsaber-sound" coming from the same place.


Last edited by Ishidan on Thu Nov 21, 2013 10:50 am, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Wed Nov 20, 2013 7:39 pm 
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John Dallman wrote:
Reporting for weapon issue! May I have a Strohl Munitions AP-130, please?

As you've noted, all your posts to date save this one here have been about food. Let's work with that.

*holds up an oversized whisk attached to a prosthetic arm, previously issued but now back in stock*
Hmmm...no.

*rolls out a folio of chef's knives, all lovingly sharpened by Pibald until they are so finely edged that they'd make Jiro Ono weep and Hattori Hanzo turn purple with envy*
Bah.
*rolls it back up*

Ahh. *hands you a squat, rectangular box wrapped in heat sealed plastic, and pulls out a second one for demonstration.
A truly dangerous option. The MRE. Munitions Ready to Explode.
*tears open the demonstration bag and starts hauling stuff out*
It's a kit serving up a three course meal of chaos.
Appetizer, a packet of crackers. These little guys will run out and try to disable or take over any computerized equipment you desire. I make no statement as to their ethnic backgrounds, or how good they are at their jobs.
Main course, any one of four flavors of plastic explosives. Next generation of C-4-Rations, you understand. Detonator? Oh, that would be the minibottle of what's labeled as hot sauce, you pour the hot sauce on the explosives to set them off. The fun part is managing to get away before the kaboom, plan accordingly. (makes a wonderful booby trap.)
Dessert, a pouch of Ovalkwik. Of course. Just add water, and savor the chocolately taste of victory.


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Wed Nov 20, 2013 7:56 pm 
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Monkey House Exhibit
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Joined: Wed Apr 11, 2012 9:27 pm
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Ishidan wrote:
Junius Gallio wrote:
Come to think of it, I never got a weapon. Something along the line of a double-bladed sword would be nice ... if a double-bladed light-saber is available, especially in purple, that would be super-sweet!


Well, it would seem that the Armorers that Mesmorino called for have failed to show up for duty, so fine, I'll do it.

Hm. If a double bladed light saber is cool, then...

Welcome to your new weapon. The sextuple-bladed lightsaber. With three double lightsabers connected at perpendicular angles, in three different colors mind you, it's the perfect tool for the deadliest game of jacks in the world. Now, there is a slight problem with it, that there's only one on/off switch in the center-either all the blades are on or all the blades are off-but that's no problem for a Jedi with skills in Force Levitation, right?

Oh, you don't have Force Levitation? Well, good luck. I'm not entirely sure whether the blades are longer than your arm or not...

Hmmm ... well, I have fairly long arms, and while I don't have Force Levitation, what the heck--Dr. Bunningus is pretty good at reattaching limbs. Sold! :)

_________________
The sextuple-bladed lightsaber. With three double lightsabers connected at perpendicular angles, in three different colors mind you, it's the perfect tool for the deadliest game of jacks in the world. Now, there is a slight problem with it, that there's only one on/off switch in the center-either all the blades are on or all the blades are off-but that's no problem for a Jedi with skills in Force Levitation, right?


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Sun Dec 01, 2013 8:38 am 
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Reptile House Exhibit
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Ishidan wrote:
Ahh. *hands you a squat, rectangular box wrapped in heat sealed plastic, and pulls out a second one for demonstration.
A truly dangerous option. The MRE. Munitions Ready to Explode.
*tears open the demonstration bag and starts hauling stuff out*
It's a kit serving up a three course meal of chaos.
Appetizer, a packet of crackers. These little guys will run out and try to disable or take over any computerized equipment you desire. I make no statement as to their ethnic backgrounds, or how good they are at their jobs.
Main course, any one of four flavors of plastic explosives. Next generation of C-4-Rations, you understand. Detonator? Oh, that would be the minibottle of what's labeled as hot sauce, you pour the hot sauce on the explosives to set them off. The fun part is managing to get away before the kaboom, plan accordingly. (makes a wonderful booby trap.)
Dessert, a pouch of Ovalkwik. Of course. Just add water, and savor the chocolately taste of victory.

Thank you! I've spent the morning baking hard tack, so some more ... interesting crackers will be welcome.

As for the plastic explosive ... rolls out a spaghetti-thin strand, and puts the rest of it away. Well away. If I could borrow that prosthetic arm? Thanks. Take just a drop of the hot sauce and drop it on one end of the strand of explosive, to see how fast it goes. I'm expecting "det cord" speed, but I want to make sure, and see if it blows out before I start setting up anything too ingenious.

_________________
Weapon: Meal, Ready to Explode.


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Tue Dec 03, 2013 1:35 pm 
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Aquarium Exhibit
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Location: Virginia
[Knock knock]

Excuse me, Junius Gallio, Mr. Armorer?

It seems I've somehow been passed by when it comes to the weapons side of things.

If it's not too much to ask, might I be assigned something with at most a reasonable chance of backfiring and/or killing me during normal operation?

I trust your judgement; you treated that Corinthian fellow alright.

Sincerely,

A guy terrified of that sextuple bladed lightsaber


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Tue Dec 03, 2013 6:24 pm 
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Intern
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Joined: Tue May 14, 2002 11:33 am
Posts: 1277
Location: San Francisco, USA
HiTiredImJ wrote:
[Knock knock]

Excuse me, Junius Gallio, Mr. Armorer?

It seems I've somehow been passed by when it comes to the weapons side of things.

If it's not too much to ask, might I be assigned something with at most a reasonable chance of backfiring and/or killing me during normal operation?

I trust your judgement; you treated that Corinthian fellow alright.

Sincerely,

A guy terrified of that sextuple bladed lightsaber


Hmmmm...a polite request and trust extended. I'm not sure whether I should reward the trust or take ruthless advantage. Well, let's see what we can do.


*dig, dig, dig*

Glaive Guisarme? ...yeah, no. I'm not even sure how to pronounce the thing, I'm sure not filling out the paperwork.
Bolo Mk CCX tank, fanatically loyal to its master? ...nah, the paint is scratched and I don't feel like fixing it.
Kitchen sink filled with gray goo? ...definitely no.


Aha, here we are!

HiTiredImJ, I issue you The Backfire of Doom. It is a planet-encircling wildfire burning at plasma temperatures, used to prevent any other fires from springing up. It's not exactly movable from its planet of origin, and it has an annoying tendency to fry you to a monatomic crisp if you don't keep ahead of it, but holy cats will it blow the bejabbers out of your enemies, as long as you can trick them into standing in front of it. Also, here's an asbestos-fullerene suit to enable you to stand in the fire without becoming a tater tot; the suit is rated for 4 total minutes of exposure over its lifetime. Staying in the fire longer than that is...contraindicated.

_________________
After 3 long, weaponless years, I became the wielder of the Doobie/Dobie gun!


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Tue Dec 03, 2013 6:57 pm 
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Posts: 2388
Location: In the middle of the Pacific Ocean, somewhere.
HiTiredImJ wrote:
[Knock knock]
Excuse me, Junius Gallio, Mr. Armorer?
It seems I've somehow been passed by when it comes to the weapons side of things.
If it's not too much to ask, might I be assigned something with at most a reasonable chance of backfiring and/or killing me during normal operation?
I trust your judgement; you treated that Corinthian fellow alright.
Sincerely,
A guy terrified of that sextuple bladed lightsaber

A fine request, albeit misdirected-Junius was the recipient of the weapon, not the issuer.
But your request is heard and shall be answered. "might I be assigned something with at most a reasonable chance of backfiring"? It shall be so.
*opens a long-hidden drawer, picking through the items. You see, picked up and discarded in turn, a deck of cards with "Many Things" inscribed upon the box, a ring with three small rubies, an elaborately bejeweled buckler, and a few other knickknacks".
Ah...This. Easily the most well known and most powerful artifact in this collection.
*hands you a small, royal lavender pouch with 'The Royal Crown' in golden embroidery. When placed in your grasp, your fingers tell you that it does not, in fact, contain any type of cranium-sized circlet, instead, you can feel a dozen near-spherical objects within.*
*removes one of the objects for your inspection. You realize that it is a rare gemstone, cut into a perfect 20 sided polygon. Each sparkling facet is emblazoned with a numeral between 1 and 20 inclusive. Eighteen of these numerals sparkle argent. One glitters d'or. The final appears to scintillate between the deep crimson of freshly spilled blood and the endless ebony of the heart of a forgotten coffin."

It is not a weapon, per se, but a dozen chances to call for divine intervention. Here's how they work.
When you wish to perform a difficult feat, you start by selecting one of the artifacts and saying a short prayer to it, a prayer that explains what the feat is that you would like to perform. This prayer will be heard by the Deity Mathematica (or DM for short), who will appear. He will consider your request, and if he deems it worthy, he will speak a number. You will then be allowed to release the artifact, and when it comes to a rest, should the number which appears topmost be higher than the number he states, he will bless you in your endeavor and guarantee its success. Should the number be lower, he will shake his head and deny your request for a boon. (should his number be too high for your taste, you can retract your request by returning the artifact to its bag. Once dropped to anywhere except its bag, though, there's no going back on it.)

There are two notable exceptions. Should the golden number "20" arise topmost, the DM shall smile upon you and grant you the success reserved to the gods themselves. On the other hand, should the accursed "1" have the temerity to show its face to the heavens, your eyes will rise to his visage of pure malevolence, and you will be stricken with not only a compulsion to go through with your proposed action, but condemned to fail at it in a way that would make even the most hardened of the damned souls feel the spark of schadenfreude.

After each use-success, fail, or otherwise-the DM will collect the artifact and return to his home dimension until summoned again.
Don't try to rig it by, say, sanding off all the low numbers, or adding weights...the DM takes a very, very foul view of mortals attempting to doctor his artifacts.

*drops the near-orb back into its pouch*
There you have it. 12 chances to call for divine intervention, each one with a 5 percent chance of legendary success, a 5 percent chance of terrible failure.
That's reasonable, I'd say. I should note that each artifact is properly called a "die", but don't take that so personal...in the all-together, you may say that your weapon is a dozen divine d20 dice.

Edit-looks like another armorer showed up while I was writing this. Pick one, and only one, of the offered weapons!


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Wed Dec 04, 2013 12:55 am 
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Arctic Exhibit
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Joined: Wed Nov 27, 2013 11:12 am
Posts: 55
I was issued pants.

That's not a complaint, I was literally issued pants. Now when we analyse all the modern conflicts we find the one thing that they all have in common* is that the winners all had pants. And by inference** if one has to be issued pants, and none of you lot were issued pants, then none of you have pants.

Ergo you should think very carefully before starting any troubles that history tells us statistically you're guaranteed to lose.

As the saying goes "In the kingdom of the pant-less, the man with pants goes blind." No wait ...


*Ignoring certain aggressive Koalazoids who we can treat as an extreme outlier, because they certainly can't be treated as a moderate anything, that is to say they are the exception which proves the rule.

**Or deduction, or inference, or deduction, or inference, or recursion.


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Wed Dec 04, 2013 1:11 am 
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Location: In the middle of the Pacific Ocean, somewhere.
Rick wrote:
I was issued pants.

That's not a complaint, I was literally issued pants. Now when we analyse all the modern conflicts we find the one thing that they all have in common* is that the winners all had pants. And by inference** if one has to be issued pants, and none of you lot were issued pants, then none of you have pants.

All the great men of history have all worn pants! Roosevelt! Churchill! DeGaulle! Ghandi!
Wait well almost all of them...


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Wed Dec 04, 2013 1:15 am 
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Aquarium Exhibit
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Joined: Mon Apr 28, 2008 1:34 am
Posts: 28
Location: Virginia
Ishidan wrote:
HiTiredImJ wrote:
[Knock knock]
Excuse me, Junius Gallio, Mr. Armorer?
It seems I've somehow been passed by when it comes to the weapons side of things.
If it's not too much to ask, might I be assigned something with at most a reasonable chance of backfiring and/or killing me during normal operation?
I trust your judgement; you treated that Corinthian fellow alright.
Sincerely,
A guy terrified of that sextuple bladed lightsaber

A fine request, albeit misdirected-Junius was the recipient of the weapon, not the issuer.
But your request is heard and shall be answered. "might I be assigned something with at most a reasonable chance of backfiring"? It shall be so.
*opens a long-hidden drawer, picking through the items. You see, picked up and discarded in turn, a deck of cards with "Many Things" inscribed upon the box, a ring with three small rubies, an elaborately bejeweled buckler, and a few other knickknacks".
Ah...This. Easily the most well known and most powerful artifact in this collection.
*hands you a small, royal lavender pouch with 'The Royal Crown' in golden embroidery. When placed in your grasp, your fingers tell you that it does not, in fact, contain any type of cranium-sized circlet, instead, you can feel a dozen near-spherical objects within.*
*removes one of the objects for your inspection. You realize that it is a rare gemstone, cut into a perfect 20 sided polygon. Each sparkling facet is emblazoned with a numeral between 1 and 20 inclusive. Eighteen of these numerals sparkle argent. One glitters d'or. The final appears to scintillate between the deep crimson of freshly spilled blood and the endless ebony of the heart of a forgotten coffin."

It is not a weapon, per se, but a dozen chances to call for divine intervention. Here's how they work.
When you wish to perform a difficult feat, you start by selecting one of the artifacts and saying a short prayer to it, a prayer that explains what the feat is that you would like to perform. This prayer will be heard by the Deity Mathematica (or DM for short), who will appear. He will consider your request, and if he deems it worthy, he will speak a number. You will then be allowed to release the artifact, and when it comes to a rest, should the number which appears topmost be higher than the number he states, he will bless you in your endeavor and guarantee its success. Should the number be lower, he will shake his head and deny your request for a boon. (should his number be too high for your taste, you can retract your request by returning the artifact to its bag. Once dropped to anywhere except its bag, though, there's no going back on it.)

There are two notable exceptions. Should the golden number "20" arise topmost, the DM shall smile upon you and grant you the success reserved to the gods themselves. On the other hand, should the accursed "1" have the temerity to show its face to the heavens, your eyes will rise to his visage of pure malevolence, and you will be stricken with not only a compulsion to go through with your proposed action, but condemned to fail at it in a way that would make even the most hardened of the damned souls feel the spark of schadenfreude.

After each use-success, fail, or otherwise-the DM will collect the artifact and return to his home dimension until summoned again.
Don't try to rig it by, say, sanding off all the low numbers, or adding weights...the DM takes a very, very foul view of mortals attempting to doctor his artifacts.

*drops the near-orb back into its pouch*
There you have it. 12 chances to call for divine intervention, each one with a 5 percent chance of legendary success, a 5 percent chance of terrible failure.
That's reasonable, I'd say. I should note that each artifact is properly called a "die", but don't take that so personal...in the all-together, you may say that your weapon is a dozen divine d20 dice.

Edit-looks like another armorer showed up while I was writing this. Pick one, and only one, of the offered weapons!


<Briefly considers the world-ending, but immobile, fire starter before quickly slipping the sack of gemstones into his back pocket>

Thank you, Ishidan, for your stellar weapon choice. I shall cherish them always (or a dozen times, as the case may be).


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