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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Sun Jan 15, 2017 1:26 pm 
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Monkey House Exhibit
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Hmm, and it's a spiral? Can he get the range extension on that spiral, so that it looks like a unicorn horn being thrust into an enemy?

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I hope Para never plays with Tenzy. The result would be terrifying.
Para and Petey need to have some dialog together. Just because.


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Sun Jan 15, 2017 3:13 pm 
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Ishidan wrote:
*returns from the build shop*
*Places a circlet of black, cold, dense metal on the table. Its shape resembles a running spiral, with two gems inset -one each accenting the eyebrows.*

Aahh. No ironic twist like twisted iron.
In addition to its natural anti-Fae properties, these gems have been imbued with short range gravimetric distortion projectors--gravy guns in our parlance-that will render any target up to a medium tank into a chaotically warped mass of metal and flesh in seconds.

No, the problem is not recoil, or sidelobe effect. It's activation range. You asked for a weapon that is impractial, not outright suicidal.

Both gems must contact the target for the effect to activate, and the circlet must be on your head at the time.

Therefore, you must make physical contact on the target with your head. Whether you do it like Ender at the enemy's gate or like Zidane is up to you.


It's perfect. Strangely enough, head-butting is my signature fighting style.


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Wed Jan 25, 2017 6:29 pm 
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Chowguy I hereby issue you a Naked Gun. This gun makes the victim acutely aware that, under their clothes and armor, they are naked and you, right now, are looking at them. Don't point that at me!

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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2017 11:40 pm 
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*Walks into the armory while dragging an improbably oversized sack on a grav pallet. The sack appears to mutter to itself in a disgruntled fashion.*

Hello. I gathered that I should report here first thing for my forum weapon. I respectfully request...

*Pulls a massive roll of paper out of one pocket and unfurls it, running a finger down all 10 feet of items listed. Stops at the final item.*

...An utterly mundane weapon, of good workmanship and utilitarian design.

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Proud wielder of The Utterly Mundane Godendag With Which He is Improbably Skilled.


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Tue Jan 31, 2017 12:08 am 
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[REDACTED] wrote:
*Walks into the armory while dragging an improbably oversized sack on a grav pallet. The sack appears to mutter to itself in a disgruntled fashion.*

Hello. I gathered that I should report here first thing for my forum weapon. I respectfully request...

*Pulls a massive roll of paper out of one pocket and unfurls it, running a finger down all 10 feet of items listed. Stops at the final item.*

...An utterly mundane weapon, of good workmanship and utilitarian design.

Utterly mundane? *sigh* OK, if I have to--but I have to tell you, it breaks my heart to have to give you something mundane.

So we're gonna get a bit of a history lesson here.

Image

This is a reconstructed Flemish Godendag. They were first used in the Franco-Flemish War in the 1300s, and I think you'll find that it fulfills your requirements.

Now, I'll warn you--you have to get right up into hand-to-hand range with this baby. It's too heavy and unbalanced to throw, but it will work for melee. And this way, you can always give your enemies a "Good Day."

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I used to be Junius Gallio, until I messed up retyping my password in the Great Password Reset. Nice to be back.

" I gotta stop doing mathematics while sober."


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Tue Jan 31, 2017 12:36 am 
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Thank you, kind sir!

*[REDACTED] bows deeply, then opens the improbably large sack and brandishes The Utterly Mundane Godendag fiercely. A Command Voice within the sack yells "ACTION!"*

HAKKAA PÄÄLLE!

*A large tentacle snaps out and wraps around [REDACTED]s neck, dragging him violently into the unknown. The sack closes behind him. Intermittent fighting is heard. After 30 seconds [REDACTED] is spat onto the floor, wearing a totally different outfit and a 9 month beard.*

I... Don't recommend using a... *wheeze*... Training and Combat Montage... Ever. I was warned, and did not listen.

On the upside, I can now fiercely brandish The Utterly Mundane Godendag With Which I am Improbably Skilled! On the downside (maybe), that Montage was single use.

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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Tue Jan 31, 2017 8:30 am 
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[REDACTED] wrote:
Thank you, kind sir!

*[REDACTED] bows deeply, then opens the improbably large sack and brandishes The Utterly Mundane Godendag fiercely. A Command Voice within the sack yells "ACTION!"*

HAKKAA PÄÄLLE!

*A large tentacle snaps out and wraps around [REDACTED]s neck, dragging him violently into the unknown. The sack closes behind him. Intermittent fighting is heard. After 30 seconds [REDACTED] is spat onto the floor, wearing a totally different outfit and a 9 month beard.*

I... Don't recommend using a... *wheeze*... Training and Combat Montage... Ever. I was warned, and did not listen.

On the upside, I can now fiercely brandish The Utterly Mundane Godendag With Which I am Improbably Skilled! On the downside (maybe), that Montage was single use.

Nicely done, but I've never seen a single-use Montage with tentacles before. Must be a new feature with this year's models....

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I used to be Junius Gallio, until I messed up retyping my password in the Great Password Reset. Nice to be back.

" I gotta stop doing mathematics while sober."


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Fri Feb 03, 2017 1:04 pm 
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Monkey House Exhibit
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Hmm ... 9 months of training at once, so it's either a hyperbolic time chamber or a police box with a functioning chameleon circuit. Tentacles, so whoever is inside is using additional help. Has anyone seen Schlock? ... hmm, if it's a police box, has anyone seen Schlock the first?

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I hope Para never plays with Tenzy. The result would be terrifying.
Para and Petey need to have some dialog together. Just because.


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Sun Feb 05, 2017 2:16 pm 
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It's a variable-geometry pocket dimension prototype. You can compress it to speed time up, or inflate it to slow time down. The experimental feature on this one is the "Klein Bagel" setting. It doesn't really *stop* time, it just forces it into a wierd loop the size of a krispy kreme.

The rest of the improbably oversized sack is filled with the support rig and power source. General Neutronics never managed to place the power source inside this version. When I asked, the guy I bought this one from muttered something about "Localized reality distortions extending beyond the manifold". Then he slammed the backdoor of the General Neutronics test site shut and I heard him screaming "WE DUMPED IT GUYS! MAKE UP A DISASTER! FRED! WHERE'S MY FULLERENED ANTIMATTER?!"

As for the tentacle? It belonged to The Correiakin. I hired him as a technical advisor and weapons trainer. Dude is harsh, but effective.

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Proud wielder of The Utterly Mundane Godendag With Which He is Improbably Skilled.


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Mon Feb 06, 2017 12:15 pm 
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Monkey House Exhibit
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Hmm, 9 months at a time?

(grabs full set of wheel of time)

"Hey, tentacle, give me a lift please?"

(disappears into the void)
...
(re-appears)

"hmm, still got one more book to read."

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I hope Para never plays with Tenzy. The result would be terrifying.
Para and Petey need to have some dialog together. Just because.


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Sat Apr 01, 2017 3:43 pm 
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A lone drone with a mounted quasar cannon floats alone among the silliness of the armory. Its operator watches through the array of optics and chuckles at the thought of what is transpiring.

The drone then starts to wander around to see what else is in the armory.

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Has a drone which is in possession of a Quasar Cannon. I sense shenanigans.


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Tue Apr 04, 2017 3:28 am 
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Toilet plunger of course! :lol:

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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Sun Apr 09, 2017 8:14 pm 
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*casts a view into the armory*

Hmmm... nothing seems to be out of the ordinary. Bin after bin of ordnance, stalls with vehicles, a few cats wandering around with tool belts and hard hats... uh-oh...

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The difference between theory and practice is that theories seldom involve people screaming in terror.

Forum weapon: the humble Northern Pikestaff
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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Mon Apr 10, 2017 1:09 am 
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Stanistani wrote:
*casts a view into the armory*

Hmmm... nothing seems to be out of the ordinary. Bin after bin of ordnance, stalls with vehicles, a few cats wandering around with tool belts and hard hats... uh-oh...

*sigh* Cats again?

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I used to be Junius Gallio, until I messed up retyping my password in the Great Password Reset. Nice to be back.

" I gotta stop doing mathematics while sober."


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Mon Apr 10, 2017 12:55 pm 
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Black Sheep wrote:
Stanistani wrote:
*casts a view into the armory*

Hmmm... nothing seems to be out of the ordinary. Bin after bin of ordnance, stalls with vehicles, a few cats wandering around with tool belts and hard hats... uh-oh...

*sigh* Cats again?

I'm pretty sure that at this point it's cats all the way down.


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Mon Apr 10, 2017 2:09 pm 
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evileeyore wrote:
Black Sheep wrote:
Stanistani wrote:
*casts a view into the armory*

Hmmm... nothing seems to be out of the ordinary. Bin after bin of ordnance, stalls with vehicles, a few cats wandering around with tool belts and hard hats... uh-oh...

*sigh* Cats again?

I'm pretty sure that at this point it's cats all the way down.

So ... nuke it from orbit, or resign ourselves to our inevitable feline overlords?

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I used to be Junius Gallio, until I messed up retyping my password in the Great Password Reset. Nice to be back.

" I gotta stop doing mathematics while sober."


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Wed Apr 12, 2017 7:31 pm 
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It's vital to find out what they're up to.
*astralprojects into armory*
"Hey there! You with the clipboard! What's going on here?"
"Maow."
Hmm. Well, there you have it.
*returns to his own plane of existence*

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The difference between theory and practice is that theories seldom involve people screaming in terror.

Forum weapon: the humble Northern Pikestaff
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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Thu Apr 13, 2017 1:10 am 
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Stanistani wrote:
It's vital to find out what they're up to.
*astralprojects into armory*
"Hey there! You with the clipboard! What's going on here?"
"Maow."
Hmm. Well, there you have it.
*returns to his own plane of existence*

Wait, if they can operate clipboards... that means they can operate can openers!

They no longer have a use for us outside of cat box cleaning detail. I weep for humanity.


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Wed Apr 26, 2017 8:12 pm 
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In Chekhov's Armory ...

(•_•)
( •_•)>⌐■-■
(⌐■_■)

litter box scoops you.

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I used to be Junius Gallio, until I messed up retyping my password in the Great Password Reset. Nice to be back.

" I gotta stop doing mathematics while sober."


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Sun Sep 17, 2017 3:44 am 
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The wandering drone comes upon the cats and hovers there taking in all the readings, watching as they go about their business, is this a entirely cat operated area of the armory? Maybe the armory smiths have a feud with them? The operator of the drone ponders these things before having the drone continue on.

(if anyone is wondering the drone is about the size of a small car, longer than a forklift but also is around half its height if you count the canopy. the turreted quasar cannon put it to about 3/4s the height of a forklift)

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Has a drone which is in possession of a Quasar Cannon. I sense shenanigans.


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Sun Sep 17, 2017 11:56 am 
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My head cannon is that this place is a fortress "run" by dwarves. But, being cats among dwarves ...

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I hope Para never plays with Tenzy. The result would be terrifying.
Para and Petey need to have some dialog together. Just because.


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Sun Sep 17, 2017 12:00 pm 
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keybounce wrote:
My head cannon is that this place is a fortress "run" by dwarves. But, being cats among dwarves ...

Dwarves, yes--but there's a generous population of Gremlins in the Design and Testing departments.

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I used to be Junius Gallio, until I messed up retyping my password in the Great Password Reset. Nice to be back.

" I gotta stop doing mathematics while sober."


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Sun Sep 17, 2017 2:47 pm 
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Black Sheep wrote:
keybounce wrote:
My head cannon is that this place is a fortress "run" by dwarves. But, being cats among dwarves ...

Dwarves, yes--but there's a generous population of Gremlins in the Design and Testing departments.

Dwarves? Bah, some of us are proper hard working trolls. Dwarves are only good for diggin holes. Want somethin built right, get a troll...


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Mon Sep 25, 2017 6:16 pm 
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SMF-1171 is a spatial anomaly, a unique object known as the Night Star. It's small as stars go, just about sixteen times the size of Sol's gas giant Jupiter. Its composition of high-atomic-number elements gives it a featureless jet black appearance, and it gives off no visible light. A dust accretion disk formed of passing objects torn into bits by tidal forces is spiraling slowly onto its surface, so it does give off some infrared radiation.

The five planets that circle this star are barren rocky chunks, except for one that has sufficient mass to have shaped itself into a sphere with a hot core and a magnetic field. Bereft of atmosphere, forever in cold, protected from all extremes, it is the perfect fabrication and storage area for the galaxy's covert munitions. It is The Armory, where barely-known denizens, some almost legendary, toil in hoped-for obscurity on munitions of varying destructive power and eccentric specifications.

A perpetual and uneasy peace is maintained by the flotilla of massive warships orbiting The Armory, all from different factions sharing the common workspace. The only rule is: "I have mine, you have yours. Butt out."

Let's float down a corridor for a moment, and see what a dedicated team of uplifted felines is doing.

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The difference between theory and practice is that theories seldom involve people screaming in terror.

Forum weapon: the humble Northern Pikestaff
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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Tue Sep 26, 2017 4:11 am 
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The pallet jack floats a millimeter above the smooth basalt floor, being pushed by three fuzzy, cute-looking little sapient creatures. Another holds a clipboard with a fiddly-bit, alertly watching her underlings, purring slightly.

"Ginge! We're at Bay 113245." The ginger tom in his blue dungarees engages the grav-brake and the pallet slides to a halt. At a paw signal, he spins it 90 degrees left and looks back at Maow, his boss. She hisses out a verbal authorization code and an opening pops into existence. Ginge and the other two, a calico and a tuxedo, ease the pallet carefully into its niche. Maow says, "113245 authorize extended storage." She puts out a paw to sign the aperture after it closes.

The calico hisses angrily, tail going bottlebrush. Maow looks down the corridor. A large drone, armed with a maser and a couple of ugly claws, glides into view. The calico reaches for a sidearm, and the drone gives off an ominous hum. Maow says quickly to the calico, "No, pfft, no, Marble! Don't shoot. Remember Rule 2!" The calico hisses again and slides their weapon back into their holster. The tuxedo whines lightly, "What's Rule 2 zzzzhm?"

Ginge leans against the closed aperture as the drone goes silent again and moves down the corridor out of sight. "Rule 2: You can look but you can't touch." Naow nodded, and slid over to Marble, who was still nervous, and began grooming them. "Everybody can look to see what anybody else is doing. It's our security and safety rule. You can't touch anything though. Not even our yummy anti-personnel pounce bombs that you just assembled, Ears."

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The difference between theory and practice is that theories seldom involve people screaming in terror.

Forum weapon: the humble Northern Pikestaff
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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Tue Sep 26, 2017 8:42 pm 
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Well, that explains why that last crate was wailing about "Rule 2" when my crewe unloaded it from that AlphaSec cargo vehicle. Huh.


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Thu Sep 28, 2017 3:25 pm 
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The wall at the end of the corridor appeared to ripple slightly, absently observed by one of the feline technicians in the process of inventorying the heavy munitions store. She pointed this out to her companions, but the ripple had disappeared by the time they looked around and they quickly returned to their weapons counting.

Once the quartet of kitties were once again focussed on their work, the ripples returned and slid along the wall until they were ten metres from the open blast doors to the heavy munitions store. Four soft pops sounded and silver canisters rolled into the store, venting green smoke as they went. Mewls of alarm started, then faded away into purring giggles as the technicians inhaled the smoke.

The ripples faded and revealed five armoured figures carrying grenade launchers and AP-130 plasguns. They made their way into the store and pushed the giggling, limp cats aside.

"Catnip grenades, works every time," one said as they headed deep into the storage vault. "Now where are those special weapons the Felios have been hiding."

"Aisle thirteen, cross corridor twelve. Just over there," another responded. A massive stack of lead caskets, surrounded by an incredible number of warning signs, reached towards the end of the storage vault.

"Good. Tag them with the teraport target nodes, I'll assemble the teraport cage," the first answered. The other four figures moved rapidly down the stack, plastering the caskets with little nodes with glowing fiddly bits.

The first figure pulled his backpack off and pulled out what looked like a metallic tent that had been mauled by three tigers and a bear with a sore canine tooth. Despite the apparent knotted mess, he quickly assembled a ten metre long teraport cage and positioned it over the first part of the stack.

"Ready," he spoke into his handbrain, there was a bright flash and the stack disappeared. The cage was pushed further down the stack and the flash repeated. It took the team less than ten minutes to remove half a kilometre of weapons caskets, collapse the cage and make their way past the now-delirious pile of cats. On the way out, one of the group dropped another catnip grenade into the pile and nicked a pile of freshly assembled anti-personnel pounce bombs.

The catnip smoke remained in the entrance to the vault until a responding squad of cats, wearing gas masks and carrying portable vacuum units, arrived and began clearing the air out. The four weapons technicians were dragged out, given sedative shots and then carried off to an isolation ward to sober up. Finally Ginge, the senior shift manager, arrived and looked at the scene before him, shaking his head at the vast gap in their inventory.

"This is gonna be a massive furball."

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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Thu Sep 28, 2017 8:42 pm 
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Calico Furball!

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I hope Para never plays with Tenzy. The result would be terrifying.
Para and Petey need to have some dialog together. Just because.


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Thu Sep 28, 2017 11:01 pm 
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I see... so this is turning into a Furfic now maow.


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Thu Sep 28, 2017 11:34 pm 
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Wolf-who-watches wrote:
One does not like the taste of <kittens>. )()()()()()()()()( )()()()()()()()()( )()()()()()()()()( )()()()()()()()()(

. . . That wasn't funny the first time.

Wolf-who-watches wrote:
One does not agree. )()()()()()()()()( )()()()()()()()()( )()()()()()()()()( )()()()()()()()()(

:? :roll:

--FreeFlier


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