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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Sat Apr 04, 2015 3:59 pm 
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alpha wrote:
New launchie reporting for a weapon!

Since the shipyards are open...

Request for Weaponry:


Oh man I have not had a laugh like this in a while! You wait til the Armourers get a hold of your request, you'll be lucky if you only end up with a garbage scow equipped with pew pew lasers lazers.

MesCorp doesn't issue directly to personnel, we supply the Forum Armoury and the Armourers issue weapons. All you gotta do is show up and hey presto, you get a weapon! I want to help you, I really do, but not only did you make a request, your request doesn't even include anything particularly explosive- You've just asked for an overgunned ship.

I should probably mention that even a garbage scow with pew pew lasers is still much better than being infantry. There's only one other guy with a ship and his is for personal use only, and it wasn't a weapon issue anyway

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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Sat Apr 04, 2015 4:09 pm 
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evileeyore wrote:
Not me. EvilE Inc only supplies weapons to deal with weapons that have gone awry.


That is a great business model and we would heartily support it, except for the part where everything you take down is a MesCorp product. It's not our fault users don't really understand what they're getting (despite the copious warning labels). How come Ishidan Co. never has things confiscated and impounded and neutralised?

evileeyore wrote:
mesmorino wrote:
The Armourers certainly seem to like our stock, and we keep getting great reviews

Because almost everything MesCorp makes can be a) fired out of a cannon/dropped on a target and b) is highly explosive.


By design! By design!

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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Sat Apr 04, 2015 4:19 pm 
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max_da_killah wrote:
Zeus67 wrote:
Anybody knows where I can find a talking time bomb?
The kind that says "I am a time bomb and will explode in Ten seconds, Nine, Eight, ..."

Er, a friend of mine ... yes a very good friend, is looking for one.
Tell your friend to contact MesCorp. Also tell him to word his order very carefully 'cause MesCorp sells actual time bombs as well as bombs on a timer.


Hey, sometimes, you just want a simple dynamite-and-clockwork clock jobbie. Customer surveys indicate it's something to do with the ticking, it gives a simple mechanical reassurance.

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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Sat Apr 04, 2015 7:44 pm 
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mesmorino wrote:
By design! By design!



Yes, but when a shell "designed" to take out a 1km enemy emplacement takes out the entire planet (including the artillery team that launched the shell) ... well, maybe there IS such a thing as overkill!

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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Sat Apr 04, 2015 8:45 pm 
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mesmorino wrote:
Hey, sometimes, you just want a simple dynamite-and-clockwork clock jobbie. Customer surveys indicate it's something to do with the ticking, it gives a simple mechanical reassurance.


Yeah, but in this case something more dramatic than a simple tic...toc is needed.

Lots of people become very generous when they hear "Ten...nine...eight..."

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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Sat Apr 04, 2015 9:07 pm 
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Zeus67 wrote:
Lots of people become very generous when they hear "Ten...nine...eight..."

This friend you're getting the thirty-second bomb for... do they owe you money?

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Now armed with the Nutty Nuclear Particle Accelerator, which has... implications. Now with further implications! Manual's kinda wordy, though.


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Sun Apr 05, 2015 12:50 am 
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mesmorino wrote:
That is a great business model and we would heartily support it, except for the part where everything you take down is a MesCorp product. It's not our fault users don't really understand what they're getting (despite the copious warning labels). How come Ishidan Co. never has things confiscated and impounded and neutralised?

Wasn't the Self Replicating Micro Robots issued by Ishidan Co?


And my standard anti-MesCorp weaponry tends to be the advice "Don't buy MesCorp unless you want to blow up!". I mean not much else is effective.

Quote:
By design! By design!

Well yes. That's presumed. It's designed to blow up. Or down. Or sidewise. Or tomorrow.


When it's blowing up 'yesterday' or 'red' is when we have problems.


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Sun Apr 05, 2015 3:45 am 
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evileeyore wrote:
Wasn't the Self Replicating Micro Robots issued by Ishidan Co?


Were they? I don't remember.

If you mean the armbots which ended off self replicating and were recently sold back to the Armory, no, that was MesCorp as usual.

viewtopic.php?f=17&t=12867&p=350742&hilit=armbot#p350742

IshidanCo did once issue a truck with an arm, but it was decidedly not self-replicating.


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Sun Apr 05, 2015 9:46 am 
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Ishidan wrote:
If you mean the armbots which ended off self replicating and were recently sold back to the Armory, no, that was MesCorp as usual.

Ah, well you can understand the error, they didn't explode so how could anyone believe it was a MesCorp product?


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Sun Apr 05, 2015 10:13 am 
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Hmm...

I guess if it comes to war, something stealthy and mobile would be best.

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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Sun Apr 05, 2015 11:54 am 
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Psystorm wrote:
Zeus67 wrote:
Lots of people become very generous when they hear "Ten...nine...eight..."

This friend you're getting the thirty-second bomb for... do they owe you money?

Won the lottery and isn't sharing is more likely.

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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Sun Apr 05, 2015 12:53 pm 
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Bruce the Loon wrote:
Psystorm wrote:
Zeus67 wrote:
Lots of people become very generous when they hear "Ten...nine...eight..."

This friend you're getting the thirty-second bomb for... do they owe you money?

Won the lottery and isn't sharing is more likely.


Yeah... something like that.
Let's say that he is not sharing the proceeds of the sale of some items.

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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Sun Apr 05, 2015 2:51 pm 
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Where ARE the Armourers? People are running about unarmed

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Bring a knife to a fist fight. Bring a gun to a knife fight. Bring a grenade to a gun fight. Bring mortars to a grenade fight. Bring thermonuclear devices to a mortar fight.

And if you're ever in a fight involving thermonuclear weapons, shoot first.


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Sun Apr 05, 2015 3:48 pm 
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Speaking of forum weapons ....

I had to have a username change, and my forum weapon was issued to my previous account. Should I go back to that post and retrieve that weapon, or report for re-issue?

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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Sun Apr 05, 2015 6:26 pm 
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Black Sheep wrote:
Speaking of forum weapons ....

I had to have a username change, and my forum weapon was issued to my previous account. Should I go back to that post and retrieve that weapon, or report for re-issue?


I'd get a re-issue, for one reason only: multi-dimensional dual-wielding. Baby.

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Bring a knife to a fist fight. Bring a gun to a knife fight. Bring a grenade to a gun fight. Bring mortars to a grenade fight. Bring thermonuclear devices to a mortar fight.

And if you're ever in a fight involving thermonuclear weapons, shoot first.


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Mon Apr 06, 2015 9:24 pm 
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I think I need a weapon. Is this where I get one?

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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Tue Apr 07, 2015 2:39 am 
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Yes it is. Form a queue behind alpha, and try not to touch anything. Especially the things with the blinkenlights screaming "pick me! pick me"

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Bring a knife to a fist fight. Bring a gun to a knife fight. Bring a grenade to a gun fight. Bring mortars to a grenade fight. Bring thermonuclear devices to a mortar fight.

And if you're ever in a fight involving thermonuclear weapons, shoot first.


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Tue Apr 07, 2015 3:13 am 
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To Alpha: the board presents to you:

Exponential antimatter magazines.

With feed systems from hyperspace, these memory plastic magazines are wired to fit into most traditional firearms and a range of triggering mechanisms (not supplied).

The payload of the bullets housed within are a series of antimatter shaped charges, which scale up in intensity - the first shot would kill an unarmoured man explosively, the second, would be able to take out an unarmoured land vehicle. The third shot, a cruiser, tank, or squad of soldiers, the fourth, a mechanised platoon, battleship or aircraft carrier.

Shots from six up are rated for unshielded spaceships, fifteen and up can deal with most planetoids, twenty onwards will take care of smaller stellar masses, and so on and so on. Theoretically there is no upper limit to the targets you can shoot with it! If you want to start from the lowest intensity agaim, simply remove the magazine from the weapon and load it in again, and you're back to shooting people targets once more!

Please take care when rapid firing or double-tapping this weapon; radiation shielding from the effects of matter-antimatter reactions sold separately. A nominal fee may be incurred when reloading these magazines. Dispose of magazines with care.

Comes with one complementary dinky hand pistol for use with it!


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Tue Apr 07, 2015 12:01 pm 
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Reaver225 wrote:
Comes with one complementary dinky hand pistol for use with it!


Dinky hand pis...YOU FOOL! That's a Micro-Uzi!


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Tue Apr 07, 2015 12:54 pm 
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palu wrote:
I think I need a weapon. Is this where I get one?

It is. But you will not be getting one.

*a large, orange, legless robot with a torso like several flattened spheres stacked atop one another, a head like a spider's face, and arms with coaxial large bore high pressure hoses floats into the room and salutes you.*
*you have enough time to read a stencil on his chest, which says "Property of <strike>Sanctum Adroit</strike> <strike>TarNation</strike> Palu."

You will instead be getting a bodyguard. A review of your posts to date indicates that you have recently been speaking highly of Para Ventura. This one has heard the call, and has volunteered to be in your service.

His name is TarTarus. He was Sanctum Adroit's specialist in nonlethal takedowns. His preferred weapon is his arm-mounted goober cannon, firing his own special blend of Green and White mod goober (which he calls his "sauce", of course), but he is also quite skilled with short range grav-projection and nanny-shackles, what appear to be extra eyes are in fact dazzler strobes, his chest plate is covering launch tubes for several types of specialty grenades including obscurant smoke, tear gas for use against unarmored targets, and his special brew of EMP/Taser Dart Spray for armored or robotic foes, and he retains the bullet-catching speed expected of all Tar units.

Edit: changed description of blinkenlights


Last edited by Ishidan on Wed Apr 08, 2015 12:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Tue Apr 07, 2015 8:14 pm 
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Hmm... Does Mescorp sell sabots, a mass driver, and several million mil spec one-use teraports/several teraport cages?

Also, I was hoping for something cheaper to reload (read: free!). And something more Mescorp-y.

Oh, and don't forget the targeting computers. Don't want to miss and "accidentally" cause *gasp* collateral damage.

Anyone want to gift targeting computers anything and provide an example of maxim 28?

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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Tue Apr 07, 2015 10:01 pm 
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alpha wrote:
Hmm... Does Mescorp sell sabots, a mass driver, and several million mil spec one-use teraports/several teraport cages?

I don't think MesCorp is in the teraport business, they're more in the blowapart business.

And even so, anything they sell you would just explode.

Quote:
Also, I was hoping for something cheaper to reload (read: free!). And something more Mescorp-y.

Oh. So you do want it to explode. Well, if MesCorp can't help you, I might have some 2nd hand tearapart systems.

Quote:
Oh, and don't forget the targeting computers. Don't want to miss and "accidentally" cause *gasp* collateral damage.

Are you sure you want MesCorp? "We are collateral damage" was once their slogan.


Quote:
Anyone want to gift targeting computers anything and provide an example of maxim 28?

Gift? Well, I suppose as long as you promise to pay-it-forward, preferably towards my enemies, I might have a box of stuff. Ignore the business name on the side.... EvilE Inc just likes to reuse shipping crates, um, because we're eco friendly.

Yeah, that sounds legit.



So here you go, one box of genuine EvilE Inc 'Carry-Out™', 'To Go™', and "Bring Home The Leftovers™' Ammo, just pay-it-towards our enemies:


Image


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Tue Apr 07, 2015 11:44 pm 
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evileeyore wrote:
Alpha wrote:
Oh, and don't forget the targeting computers. Don't want to miss and "accidentally" cause *gasp* collateral damage.

Are you sure you want MesCorp? "We are collateral damage" was once their slogan.


You see, collateral damage is a nice motivator on these extortion contracts. Ishidan merch will be reserved for the jobs where 28 applies.

evileeyore wrote:
Anyone want to gift targeting computers anything and provide an example of maxim 28?

Gift? Well, I suppose as long as you promise to pay-it-forward, preferably towards my enemies, I might have a box of stuff. Ignore the business name on the side.... EvilE Inc just likes to reuse shipping crates, um, because we're eco friendly.

Yeah, that sounds legit.

So here you go, one box of genuine EvilE Inc 'Carry-Out™', 'To Go™', and "Bring Home The Leftovers™' Ammo, just pay-it-towards our enemies:

Image

[/quote]

I will accept donations. 20% of every "donation" will go to a "worthy cause" of your choice. Of course, as usual, worthy cause is defined by me.

Hmm, with this, I can afford to pay it forward with shots 6-30. Since you are the first, This gets you the lifetime Alpha level of teraportstarter donator perks. You get [REDACTED] as well as monthly access to shots up to #12. However, you can get shots up to #20 if the cause is "good" enough.

Examples:
Cool Boom!
Pi's funeral
Destroying competitors is a hostile manoeuvre
DaME strike
Forum War
Big Bang
Death Star Trench Run
Time War
Cylon uprising
Imminent detonation of Thought Bomb
Sudden reappearance of Sith
YV invasion of the galaxy

*cue advert music*

AlphaSec, the neutral nonprofit corporation for all of your explosive destructive security needs!

Donate today and get the limited time Charlie Foxtrot package!

*Switches back to the Adventures of Schlock Hypernet show*

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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Wed Apr 08, 2015 12:47 pm 
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I am very confused as to what is going on here. However...
*rings the shipping and receiving office*
Hey guys, henceforth, all crates for shipment to EvilECo are to be single-use type. Authorization given to lace cheaper crates with destruct nannies, contract with the shipping companies to empty and retrieve returnable crates upon delivery.


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Wed Apr 08, 2015 1:23 pm 
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Ishidan wrote:
I am very confused as to what is going on here. However...
*rings the shipping and receiving office*
Hey guys, henceforth, all crates for shipment to EvilECo are to be single-use type. Authorization given to lace cheaper crates with destruct nannies, contract with the shipping companies to empty and retrieve returnable crates upon delivery.


There is a business opportunity in there for "Self-destructing delivery crates", I'm certain of it. Just let me figure out how to weaponise them

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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Wed Apr 08, 2015 1:32 pm 
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alpha wrote:
Hmm... Does Mescorp sell sabots, a mass driver, and several million mil spec one-use teraports/several teraport cages?
?


Mebbe we do, an' mebbe we don't. Who wants ta know? Recent events have taught us to be very circumspect about what we produce. To quote Johnny Tightlips: "I ain't sayin' nuthin'"

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Bring a knife to a fist fight. Bring a gun to a knife fight. Bring a grenade to a gun fight. Bring mortars to a grenade fight. Bring thermonuclear devices to a mortar fight.

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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Wed Apr 08, 2015 3:22 pm 
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Ishidan wrote:
I am very confused as to what is going on here. However...
*rings the shipping and receiving office*
Hey guys, henceforth, all crates for shipment to EvilECo are to be single-use type. Authorization given to lace cheaper crates with destruct nannies, contract with the shipping companies to empty and retrieve returnable crates upon delivery.

How very un-eco friendly of you.


Won;t change much, I get 90% of my Ishidan Co merch from MesCorp warehouses anyway. So, you know, there's always a reason to get rid of those crates as soon as possible, never can be sure it won't have a a contact explosive on it.


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Wed Apr 08, 2015 4:47 pm 
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Fortunately, i have already used the box as a terapedo casing. Oh hey, look at that pretty boom! Pay no attention to those inaccurate star charts.

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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Thu Apr 09, 2015 1:53 am 
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Black Sheep wrote:
Speaking of forum weapons ....

I had to have a username change, and my forum weapon was issued to my previous account. Should I go back to that post and retrieve that weapon, or report for re-issue?
Hmm. Since we have the stores open... Here we go!


Please accept this handheld Limited Translocator. When you target and fire at something solid enough, the area
targeted will be moved roughly 4.5 centimeters to the left (from the perspective of the one holding and aiming the weapon) through subspace. The weapon itself is powered by subspace fluctuations, so little recharging should be necessary.

It's a bit fiddly, but you can shift small volumes or larger volumes by that amount, leaving cleanly cut edges behind.
If set to a larger field to be affected you can use it as an entrenching tool or movement assistance!


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Thu Apr 09, 2015 2:16 am 
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mesmorino wrote:
Ishidan wrote:
I am very confused as to what is going on here. However...
*rings the shipping and receiving office*
Hey guys, henceforth, all crates for shipment to EvilECo are to be single-use type. Authorization given to lace cheaper crates with destruct nannies, contract with the shipping companies to empty and retrieve returnable crates upon delivery.


There is a business opportunity in there for "Self-destructing delivery crates", I'm certain of it. Just let me figure out how to weaponise them


Well that's easy. You just have to think sideways: find out who is the civilian logistical supplier to your enemy, and via a front company that makes itself out to be a specialty packaging manufacturer, work your way to becoming their packaging supplier. You'd be amazed how much process analysis and security examinations go into the making of the product, but not the box it comes in.

Then you set the boxes to destruct mid-shipment, instead of after being emptied. Screwing with enemy supply depots is always fun and rewarding.

Of course, the destruct nannies on these crates are set to only be strong enough to reduce the crates themselves to little chunks over the course of several hours after activation, yours would be much stronger.


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