The Nightstar Zoo

Here's your forum weapon then; a Rabid Lasagne (tm), this cute yet psychotic litlle pet will follow you round and you can sic it on people. We're not sure what it feeds on but it may be a good idea to keep a knife and fork handy at all times.

*sighs* No offense meant, but I'm a rightie...... my left arm seems to be good for only two things: typing & driving a car.

Well, I'll put it in cryostasis; no use letting the nerves get wasted. I may need 'em later.

But I just thought of something: How about a pair of whips made out of braided super-strong hair that matches my hair color (golden brown)? Put a couple of minature maces on the end, and I can wear the whole thing as a hair ornament.

Btw, Gonadius? You can have my triple-turret gatling gun if you want; I haven't even touched the silly thing since it was issued to me.

Wait a second, I have a Jedi's severed arm...does that mean I have Ketira's clone's right arm, and that she's a Jedi?

Could be...... ....actually, I'm a shaman, not a Jedi. But that's close enough, non?

You didn't issue me one so I used my dirty underwear by adding a rubber dand I made it a repeating dirty underwear
unfortunely the repeating DU has been declared a crime against sapent species and outlawed

Here, have a bow and some water arrows ("It rusts, it RUSTS!"). Have fun.

Here, have a bag of ellipses.

"warning, do not allow your Rabid Lasagne (tm) to be within 2 km of fat orange cats

I was given by Simon Jester a tube sock full of nickels. I leveraged a third of the nickels to buy another pre-worn tube sock, and have been dual-wielding these offensive weapons ever since.

Rusty Warmace of Painful Castration. What else does a gal need?

...although those plasma cannons are sexy.

With that weapon? A restraining order

I have only my shoe box. It's named "The other shoe".

It can be fatal if used properly.

The Apple of Discord

Hmm.. Are you sure you've got an arm that was previously part of a Jedi and not one that was merely previously owned by a Jedi? 'cause I just watched Kill Bill vol. 1 again recently, and that possibility occurred to me. It's a potentially important distinction.

Along similar lines I want one of these.

I found this 30 inch sniper rifle, back when the Athens was getting rebuilt.
viewtopic.php?t=8106

Hummm. What's my weapon?

I have a pair of small marbles which I can throw at people and stuff, I have to be careful not to lose them, for some reason.

I also have a genuine imitation Cthulhu call.

I have a Model 1899 .303 Savage lever action rifle with 5 round rotary magazine and full octagon barrel. (Made in 1910)

The catch is that ammo hasn't been made for the .303 Savage for many years* and I only have 52 rounds.

*I could shoot what I have and reload it, or buy some of the "new" ammo that's made from something else with the same base size, but that can't be reloaded using the regular .303 Savage loading tables. When the nearly unobtanium original stuff shows up at gun shows- it's $50 a box.

If my real-life 97 year old weaponry isn't esoteric enough, how about the #10 Clue-by-Four? Used for thwacking treatment for all types of cluelessness. (Cluelessness of slightly less seriousness may be downgraded to the #8 Clue-by-Four.)

Due to living in a non-gun-crazy country, I don't know much about ammunition. However, I do know that gunpowder, when stored incorrectly, will cease to function with the same effectiveness when actual use is attempted.
Here's a hint - if the hammer hits the cartridge but it doesn't go off, don't look down the bleeding barrel (unlike a certain urban-legend mathlete gunpoint robber).

But anyway... my weapon of choice?
I'm really not sure. There's something definitively stylish about swords. The sansetsukon (think three-part nunchaku, then make it bigger) definitely sounds like it's got some serious flailing action.
But I think I'm going to have to be smart and go for some kind of plasma beam. In my mind's eye, it's closer to the weapon in Metroid Prime than the one we know so well in Schlock Mercenary. A weapon with distinct seperate shots, rather than a hose... and preferably has a signifigantly longer range that the Metroid version.
Oh, and some power armour to match would be nifty too.

Mine is in my sig.

orders usually get messed up it seems but still i´d like to order a maser/flight suit ala Ennesby´s flight node.

Pursiant to the sections regard bad taste, crippling lack of ordanence and standard insanity I hereby propose the following item to be issued to this unit.

A forty kilofan Eh-Bomb.

Description: Upon release of the Eh-Bomb forty thousand drunken angry Canadian Hockey fans, armed with monomolecular hockey sticks procede to riot against the selected target.
What is left over from the riot is further covered in broken Molson Canadian beer bottles.
The largest draw back to this weapon is it's expense. As the sole sober person within the blast radius the twenty something beer store clerk shows up with the bill for two point four million bottles of beer.
This is then billed to the Canadian Department of Defense.

I am relatively new, and most here seem to have so much more knowledge in scientific matters, and speak with so much more acumen than I can muster that I've spoken very little, because I don't like feeling stupid.

However, I'm pretty decent with the written language, and I promise to try really hard to not make anyone here facepalm.

Remember: All conversation is psychological warfare.

(Man, I officially need a shirt with that on it, now)

"Monkey" ... 'nuf said (see my sig). Who wouldn't envy that one? Crush your enemies with style. [1]

For low-profile targets I use my dreaded self-issued Fingernail-on-Schoolboard-Scratcher MK II. This model doesn't feature a volume-control yet (MK III does that, but costs you a couple of kilocreds more ... our sales-division is like that), but who wants to tune it down anyway?

I can't wait to finish development on the Mark IV ... it features gravitational transfer of the attack to the enemies senses/sensors .. no need for the target to actually be near or hear it

Werner

[1] I actually missed Occams Razor by but a blades edge (I think s/b else got something similar as forum weapon though )

I was issued das Überbug, the time-traveling Volkswagen Bug of doom. Ideal for fixing the messes you made during earlier time-traveling trips, but remember, please, don't cross the timestreams.

Dakat, you appear to be currently unarmed, a dangerous state of affairs around these parts. Therefore, I grant you the Dis-Arm-Ing Device, which operates such that, even if you are armed to the teeth so litterly your teeth are armed, you appear to be currently unarmed, and thus not to be considered dangerous.

So you want an annoying noise weapon? How about a Commodore 1541 Floppy Disk Drive?

The thing doesn't even have to work to be used for making a most hellaciously loud and annoying noise. To do so, lightly place your fingers flat on top of the case, over the vent slots. Next drag your hand towards the front of the drive, don't press too hard.

Done properly, the result is an ear-splitting SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

Best results are obtained with a clean drive casing and a clean, dry hand.

I discovered this unique property of the 1541 (and presumably the 1571) back in Jr. High, circa 1983~84. The school's computer room had somewhere around 16 to 20 Commodore 64 systems.

Exactly why I decided to see what the effects would be of lightly dragging my hand over the vent slots... I do not remember. 12~13 year old boys do things for reasons unexplainable, even to themselves in later years.

I, Too. Deserve a Weapon!

For, Foreignor [sic] Though, i am, my Name Is! Kill-or-LOTZ!!..
And I would prefer not to have to gnaw your heads of to steal your weapons.

RAR!!

Try this bowl of diamond beetle eggs... looks dangerously similar to caviar.

I got Tesla's planet cracker and that armband thing from one of the Predator films.

My weapon is the book "Jest In Pun" by Bil Keane.

Here, you can have it.