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PostPosted: Fri Oct 20, 2017 3:56 pm 
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Monkey House Exhibit
Monkey House Exhibit

Joined: Tue Aug 26, 2014 1:53 pm
Posts: 373
Quote:
It's a world of pain
It's a world of fear
Abandon hope ye who enter here
The abyss, it will stare
Into you, so despair
It's a small hell built for all.


That third line really seems to be short one syllable.

1-2-3, 1, 3, 1-2-3, 1, 3 seems to be the pattern of the Small World song.

Which would make "Abandon" the 1-2-3, "hope" the 1 or the 3, and the "ye who enter here" fits a full 123, 1, 3.

One more syllable fits the form. So "all" needs to be there somewhere.

Abandon all hope ye who enter here
Abandon hope ye all who enter here
Abandon hope all ye who enter here

Otherwise, you have to map "it's a" to just the "A" at the start of A-bandon.

I mean, you could,
But the pattern's odd to my mouth and ear
Doesn't fit the rhyme that I hear in here
And I know I'm OCD
And you'll probably agree
That I'm picking too much nit.

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I hope Para never plays with Tenzy. The result would be terrifying.
Para and Petey need to have some dialog together. Just because.


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 20, 2017 6:33 pm 
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Safari Exhibit
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Posts: 163
It's slightly odd to have "all" there twice, without it keeping to a pattern. Maybe "Abandon your hope, ye who enter here."?


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 20, 2017 6:55 pm 
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Safari Exhibit
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Joined: Sun Sep 30, 2012 12:33 am
Posts: 148
"Abandon all hope, ye who enter here". Try reciting it all the way through, with that in line 3, in a low, dread voice. It's quite effective.


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 20, 2017 8:47 pm 
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Reptile House Exhibit
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Joined: Tue Feb 05, 2013 9:55 pm
Posts: 337
Anyway, why would she be afraid to use the terraport? That's what doesn't make sense in continuity. I had assumed she probably just didn't want to board the other ship, but the "going through at a dead run" suggests she was afraid of the cage itself.


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 20, 2017 9:21 pm 
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Entertainment
Entertainment

Joined: Sun Nov 02, 2014 10:01 pm
Posts: 768
keybounce wrote:
Quote:
It's a world of pain
It's a world of fear
Abandon hope ye who enter here
The abyss, it will stare
Into you, so despair
It's a small hell built for all.


That third line really seems to be short one syllable.

You could also use "So abandon hope, ye who enter here." It's not a quote, but it matches the scansion and syllable stress better, imho, than the original.

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I used to be Junius Gallio, until I messed up retyping my password in the Great Password Reset. Nice to be back.

" I gotta stop doing mathematics while sober."


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 20, 2017 10:01 pm 
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Monkey House Exhibit
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Joined: Fri Apr 08, 2016 8:53 pm
Posts: 465
sotanaht wrote:
Anyway, why would she be afraid to use the terraport? That's what doesn't make sense in continuity. I had assumed she probably just didn't want to board the other ship, but the "going through at a dead run" suggests she was afraid of the cage itself.


Actually judging by the previous strip she was walking normally. There was probably a glitch in the cage which didn't match her velocity to the destination cage correctly. Which would in turn explain why she didn't want to go through it.


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 21, 2017 11:02 pm 
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Monkey House Exhibit
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Posts: 465
Yep, it was the cages fault. Also Kevyn has a point here. It's one thing to put in a setting to get people out of the way as quickly as possible. It's quite another to leave that setting as the default in non combat situations. Especially without telling anyone.


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 21, 2017 11:54 pm 
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Entertainment
Entertainment

Joined: Fri Jul 31, 2015 10:40 pm
Posts: 625
Location: Land of the webbed feet
Arcanestomper wrote:
Yep, it was the cages fault. Also Kevyn has a point here. It's one thing to put in a setting to get people out of the way as quickly as possible. It's quite another to leave that setting as the default in non combat situations. Especially without telling anyone.

No, it wasn't the cage's fault . . . it was operator error for not setting it correctly or checking the settings.

Also the prior operator's fault for not resetting after use.

12 m/s is not a good default setting.

--FreeFlier


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 23, 2017 2:25 am 
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Monkey House Exhibit
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Joined: Tue Aug 26, 2014 1:53 pm
Posts: 373
Maybe if you're sending avians out ...

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I hope Para never plays with Tenzy. The result would be terrifying.
Para and Petey need to have some dialog together. Just because.


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 23, 2017 10:46 am 
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Entertainment
Entertainment

Joined: Fri Jul 31, 2015 10:40 pm
Posts: 625
Location: Land of the webbed feet
Or vehicles, armored or not . . .

But not for unarmored personnel.

--FreeFlier


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