The Nightstar Zoo

1. "If you would like information about Milton Simmons for President, press 1..."
2. "Hello, Clarice..."
3. "Don't tell me about the Mets game if you've seen it..."
4. "Okay, now if I hold it up to my ear, maybe I can hear what's making that ringin'..."
5. "You've reached 617-867-5309. Jennifer can't come to the phone right now..."

Keep it goin'...

6. "Merhaba!"
7. "Are you ready to negotiate, coppers?"
8. *BANG*
9. "For hot shemale action, press one!"

10 Thank you for calling. Your calling account has already been billed.

11 Ia Ia Ai Cthulhu Ai!

12 Hello <insert name here>. We've been waiting for you...

-John

13) "Remember - Tonight it's your turn to supply the goats."
14) "Deranged Caribbean Psychic Hotline - You did not call us when we expected, so we called you. The charges are $4.00 a minute..."
15) "Your next target is Fred Barnabas, and he lives at..."
16) "Quick! Get to the corner of 11th and Pants, and bring a wrench, 3 pounds of tainted shrimp, a metric handsaw, 3cc of mouse blood, a bootstrap, an extra-large Van de Graf generator, a lava lamp, and a fresh baby! QUICKLY! THERE'S NO TIME!"

17) "You will die in seven days."

18) "You have called to admit a crime, we have just sent a paddy wagon around to your house, please hold"
19) "What're you wearin'?"
20) "I knew you'd be back...."

21) Duuuude! Did you get the stuff?

22) James! Put that dog back in the kettle RIGHT NOW!

23) I'll have to call you back, there's blood coming out of the kitchen faucet.

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Fandemonium!
August 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 2014

"I am a machine. I am a weapon of war. I am a destroyer of life in the service of life, the sword and shield of my human creators." Bolo Invincibilus, Mark XXIII, Model B (Experimental) 0075-NKE "Nike".

24) you have reached firebase 01, please state your id code

25) Vlad's impalers! Would you like to talk to one of our impalers or would you like to schedule a meet-up?

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Rule of thumb is that if you need to use a squeegee, they're at least Laz-4.

26.) Olaf? You get nuclear wessel launch codes, da?
27.) Make sure my wife doesn't find you this time.

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Wielder of the Generally Obligatory Organ Donator and professional thread necro-bumper.