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The Nightstar Zoo • View topic - Stolen from "Ironic Times"

The Nightstar Zoo

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PostPosted: Wed Dec 31, 2003 3:57 am 
http://www.ironictimes.com/index.html

Bush Touts “Year of Accomplishment”
Lists Iraq quagmire, stagnant job growth, dismantling of Medicare as his "proudest" achievements.

Bad News: Offshore Tax Fraud Schemes Rob Treasury of $40 Billion a Year
Good news: most of it will be spent in U.S. on Bush re-election campaign.

Latest Poll: Huge Majority Doesn't Want Government In Their Bedroom
But same majority is fine with having government in your bedroom.

Florida Opens First Faith-Based Prison
Will house some of nation's toughest priests.

"Embedded" Picked as Year's Top Word
Beats out "lies," "lying," and "liars."


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 05, 2004 3:27 pm 
NEARLY ONE MILLION UNDERCOVER COPS WELCOME IN NEW YEAR
They mob Times Square to watch ball drop.

British Intelligence: Nixon Planned to Seize Saudi, Kuwaiti Oil Fields in '73
White House: British intelligence notoriously unreliable.

Dollar Sinks to New Lows Against Euro
European tourists complain of snotty, rude American waiters.

5.9% Unemployment Rate Jumps To 9.7% When Underemployed,
Discouraged, and No Longer Looking Are Included

Jumps to 31.4% when unpaid interns, serfs, slave laborers are counted.

USDA Bans Use of Cattle Brains, Spinal Cord, Nerve Tissue in Food
As if anyone will ever eat beef again after reading that sentence.

Many New Laws Take Effect Across Nation
You're under arrest.

Poll: George Bush, Hillary
Clinton “Most Admired”

He for slashing Medicare, she for opposing slashing it.

FBI Issues Alert About People Carrying Almanacs
Asks public to report anyone quoting Ben Franklin.

Court Blocks Weakening of Clean Air Act
Major setback for supporters of dirty air.

TV Preacher Pat Robertson Says God Told Him Bush Will Win By Landslide in '04
After waging a long, dirty campaign.

Source: FBI Closing in on White House Leaker
Can't reveal name, although it's a scramble of the words “Lark Over.”


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 16, 2004 8:52 pm 


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 16, 2004 9:52 pm 


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 17, 2004 1:05 pm 


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 21, 2004 9:03 pm 


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 21, 2004 9:11 pm 


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 21, 2004 9:20 pm 


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 23, 2004 12:08 am 


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 23, 2004 12:13 am 
Offline
Energizer Bunny
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Joined: Wed May 22, 2002 12:24 am
Posts: 1634


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 23, 2004 12:24 am 


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 23, 2004 3:27 am 
They do. Go. Witness.


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 23, 2004 11:26 pm 


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 23, 2004 11:48 pm 
New Evidence Bush Intended To Invade Iraq Before 9/11
Talked about it in 1989, says Sammy Sosa.

That's got to be the funniest one yet.


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 24, 2004 8:05 pm 


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