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 Post subject: Relationships, etc.
PostPosted: Sun Apr 11, 2004 10:00 pm 
So...what do you think?

Personally, I think that a "relationship" is any kind of repeated contact between two people. "Love" is when contact occurs for its own sake as a primary or secondary goal. "Desire" is...well, unless someone on this board has had a tragic smelting accident, I don't think that I need to explain this one. "Attraction" is a combination of love and desire. "Romance" is mutual attraction.

But this subject, naturally, is not my forte...


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Apr 14, 2004 11:00 am 
Relationship is such a broad term...not even always relating people with one another. Well, I do think love and romance are on the same page as far as mutual attraction is concerned. However, love is tangible, whereas romance occurs because of love. That brings up another question...can romance exist without love?


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Apr 14, 2004 2:39 pm 
Romance, to me, is indicative of the typical flowers, wining and dining rituals that have been going on for centuries (or at least decades.) It shows an interest in another person, be it love, sex, or just "hey, you're cute, let's hang out."

Okay, pardon the lengthiness of this, but I wrote it 6 years ago and i don't feel like rewriting it. Everything said is my opinion...nothing more.

Quote:
And now for something totally off the wall...


I've come to the conclusion that love is more
and less than what my original assumptions took it to
be. Part of me used to think that love as this
neverending, continuous lust for a person of the
opposite sex. Can you tell I was in high school
at that time? Hormones a ragin' and kickin'.
That's like, the ultimate in childish estrogen
taking over. Hello, nice bod, I want you...please
drive thru. Ah heck, I wasn't what you'd consider
dating material in school. Between being a geek
and being a nerd...well, it left little in between
for any guy. Besides, I wasn't what one could
determine as being attractive. I was very overweight
and awkward...typical, eh? No cheerleading for me =)

Sex was, well....that's all it was really. Sex.
Use your imagination for different places to do it.
(I'm keeping this clean btw, not sure if any of my
family will see this) When I first moved out, the
guy I was seeing found my sister more interesting,
and thus begain a long chain of semi relationships
in which the guys have either gone for my roomie,
my sister, or my friends. I hate being used, can't
you tell? It took me a while, but I've finally come
to a conclusion...

Love is what you make of it. Love can be the
sweetest, most passionate kiss. It can be innocence
found in a caress. Unceasing emotional turmoil, pain
, even hate. Love can be an obsession, but obsession
will never be love. Obsession is taking things a bit
too far. We are no one's property. No one owns us.
If a person you're seeing (male or female) tells you
you can't go out, or you can't do this or that, pardon
me, but that's not love in my opinion. That's a control
freak getting their jollies off of running your life.
Love's a bitch enough sometimes, as is life. You don't
need more than you can handle.

I'm 23 now, as I sit and tap this out on my
friend's keyboard. I'm 23, single, and bemoaning the
fact thereof. You see, some people are made to go
thru life alone...and that's what's right for them.
Then there are those who will always have someone
with them thru the years. But if you look deeper,
you'll find those of us detined to wander the world
alone, yet needing the touch of another. We seem to
make better friends than lovers imho, but then again,
that's a reflection on my own life. I abhor my single
state, I abhor it to the point of where I'm giving up
on the idea of relationships. You can't tell it by
looking at me, but I've been thru more relationships
than Imelda Marcos had shoes in her closet. And each
time I cared about said person, I'd inevitably end up
suffering in the end. Some of my relationships were
based upon friendship, and those seemed to work. Some
were based upon more physical things, and in the end
they didn't work out, but I had no regrets as we both
knew it was going to happen. Then there were those few
that I found myself very attatched to, emotionally
speaking. The first left me for my sister, as did the
second. One was sleeping with a close friend while we
were together. I only found out cause I was at the bar
and saw them. Another fell for a person I was living
with at the time. How embarrassing, I'm still bloody
amazed I took it so well. A few others had girlfriends,
etc. Now, this isn't meant to be a diatribe on the male
gender, but as I am female...you know what I mean.

Wherein lies the justice of love? There isn't
any. Looking for a reason behind love is like trying
to find the prize in a box of cereal. Damned
impossible, especially if you have more than one sibling.
Here, I'll give you an example. A bit over a month or so
ago, I was chatting with a friend on the phone, and thru
her met this really cool guy. Keeping in mind that he's
on the other side of the US, I didn't see him. After
the first time we talked on the phone, it became natural
to talk more. Pretty soon it was almost a nightly ritual.
Here I was, telling this guy I'd never met about my life,
daily problems, etc...and thus he did the same in return.
Pretty soon I started getting these warm fuzzy feelings
whenever I'd talk to him or even think of him. Such a
doll! Anyhow...the culmination of this story is when I
actually met him. Everything I wanted in a mate...but
there was to be no paradise. Come to find out that his
feelings run more toward another friend of myne that he
met a few weeks ago. Needless to say that the time I'd
spent with him irl had done nothing to dull my feelings
for him...not saying this is a sexual thing...this was
something that I could see lasting a long time. My friends
told me to have patience, and thus I tried, yet it still
failed in the end. We talked about it, but something tells
me I'll never really and truly be able to express what I
felt and still feel for him. I don't blame what happened
on him, or on my other friend...I blame it on myself
for allowing myself to become so emotionally involved. But
if someone else makes him happy in ways that I can't, then
I guess it's time to step aside. Who knows if this was
love...I care enough about him to step aside and not
cause problems...to sit on the sidelines and pray that
he'll be happy. Sometimes I think I give too much of
myself...perhaps sometimes I don't give enough.

I'm hurting right now. Inside it's as if
I've nothing...no heart, no soul, nothing to speak
of. Yet I know because of that dullness that something
still remains. Memories will fade with time, and that's
what I need. Time to recover, to recouperate, to build
myself back up. Love is something that we, the human
race, need to survive. Love is a constant battlefield...
and a tip of my hat to those people out there who are,
have been, or will be involved in a permanent relationship.
My parents are still married after 27 years...I only hope
the happiness I see in them and others will persist and
linger on. We all need that little touch of love in
our life...it's just the getting burned that bites. =)



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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Apr 14, 2004 11:02 pm 
Good grief, Charlie Brown!
:D
Incidentally, that's very nice.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Apr 15, 2004 6:00 am 
Well, I thought it was the best way to go ahead and answer everything as best I could.

And I still don't know the meaning of life, but i do know that relationships, no matter the distance, can work just as well as dating the girl/boy next door.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Apr 27, 2004 9:07 am 
*Finally sits down and reads thread.

Kreely, that was very touching and poignant. Thank you.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Apr 28, 2004 1:01 am 
Relationships confuse the heck out of me, mainly because I've never been in an intimate relationship with anyone. I was homeschooled 3rd through 8th grade, and when joining up with the freshman class, I felt like I'd missed something. Somewhere in there people made the bonds that they will keep for the rest of their lives, and I missed out, or at least that's how I felt that first year.

And maybe it's how I feel a little still. All my friends seem interconnected, relaxed with each other. Partly because they've all been dating each other (in varying couples) since they were ten. I spent all that time at home... well, reading. my best friends were my cat and the Internet. The 'net was my only real connection with the outside world; in homeschooling groups, I mainly remained shy and reserved. Stayed away from people. I'm paying for that now.

I messed up really bad with a person I like. I did something fucked up, because I was going with my hormones and state of mind, and I swear to never do something like that again. I don't think I can look them in the face anymore. Not because anything happened, but because I resorted to the anonymiety of online to say what I should have said to his face.

Relationships? I'm a teenager. I'm full of hormones. I want one. It would straighten me out. And I fear one. Because it could quite possibly swallow me whole, even more so than life has done. I have spent so much time building up the idea that I don't want a relationship that I have come to believe it along with everyone else, even when the very slightest of mental connections sets off the longing for one. I am not wearing the illusion that I am asexual. It has just built itself up around me until I cannot tell if that is what I really am or not.

I needed to write that out. And clear my brain of that little bit of clutter.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Apr 28, 2004 2:27 am 
If it's any consolation I went through public school and came out of it much the same way... just long enough for my best female friends to develop hormones and an extreme nasty streak, in that order. Was it a lesson worth learning? Undeniably. That doesn't mean you can't learn vicariously instead of going through it yourself. ;)

To be honest, I don't feel I've missed anything. 80% or more of the relationships around me plummet from the sky and explode spectacularly, like one of those fancy shuttles. Do you really want to be in one of those?


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Apr 28, 2004 4:16 am 
I think it's less wanting to actually be in a relationship and more being deemed worthy of having a relationship with.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Apr 28, 2004 9:17 pm 
'Tis better to have loved and crashed, burning and screaming, into the ground at 600 miles per hour than never to have loved at all.

When I was, hm, about 11 years old I developed a crush on a girl at my school which lasted me seven years, but I was too shy to do much more than say hi to her between classes. Around the time we graduated from high school I finally got up the nerve to ask her out, but she never returned my calls--I presume she had found another boyfriend, or lost any interest she may have had in me years earlier.

A month or two before starting college, I attended a freshman orientation for a few days, and there met a girl with whom I seemed to have a lot in common, including which dormitory building we'd be living in and several of the classes we'd be taking. We quickly developed a good friendship, but unfortunately I saw more in it than just a friendship and wrote her a love letter. There went the friendship--we avoided each other in the dorm, and I've hardly seen her since.

Early in my freshman year of college I met a harp-playing food-science major. We talked with each other quite a lot, mostly about music, science, and literature, played music together, and eventually (after about nine months of friendship) fell in love. We've now been together, through good times and bad, for nearly four years.

Do I regret the mistakes I've made in previous almost-relationships? Sure. In the first case, a high school relationship could possibly have been a useful learning experience for me--I doubt that it could've survived a transition to college. In the second case, I regret losing what could have been a good friendship. In both cases, I'm grateful for what I've learned from my mistakes.

But I still wouldn't trade my current relationship for anything else. Love hurts sometimes, but it's worth it.


-=-Barnabas


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