|The Nightstar Zoo
|North By 5.30
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|Author:||Monk [ Wed Sep 20, 2006 7:03 am ]|
|Post subject:||North By 5.30|
Hey guys, I'm Monk, the artist and co-writer of North By 5.30. We're just starting out and would appreciate any feedback you can give us be it positive or constructily critical. Feel free to drop by and post a comment on the comments board or just contact us via the wonders of the e-mail. And if you like it then tell others! Hell even if you don't like it tell others anyway.
|Author:||Dark_Tiger [ Wed Sep 20, 2006 4:06 pm ]|
To quote Narbonic "heh heh heh."
I'm critical! I also build things, so that makes me constructive too, right? This won't be my worst review, but it will be fun.
For me at least.
Scrolling text is a sin against god and nature. Make it go away. If you have some perverse need to preserve one line comments on your comic pages, I suggest first using a more readable font, and second putting it in an out of the way rant space. Say at the bottom so someone reading the comic doesn't have to subject themselves to it.
Duplicate the navigation buttons underneath the comic. Having to scroll down to read the comic, and then scroll up to get to the next one really breaks up the comic.
That green-striped black background. What did your readers do to deserve such a thing?
<b>Writing and Plot</b>
Right now, there isn't any. Of six "comics" you have one incoherent filler and two standardized webcomic single shot jokes. Of the three strips remaining, you seem to be setting up for some after-school special-like storyline in which your avatar learns the true meaning of friendship, the dangers of alcohol, and possibly true love. Nowhere do I see what might be called an original joke or idea yet.
Regarding the use of yourself and your friends in the comic: There is a fine line between writing what you know and Mary-Sue fiction. I feel that it's better to avoid the situation completely. You, not so much.
Color is a good idea. No color is also a good idea. Using colored pencils for line art and filling some things and not others, that is what in the webcomic trade is referred to as a "bad idea." I suggest that you avoid bad ideas whenever possible.
I despise using regular fonts for comics. They look like you've inadvertently drawn on your homework. I'd suggest either downloading some fonts, or making your own.
Perspective is not something that happens to other people. Nor does anyone ever square themselves up at ninety degrees from everything else. Or anything else. Your characters are not in a military formation, and I can think of only one other reason for them to be posed so straight and with such precise angles. Somehow, I doubt you used steel rebar in your friends in such a manner though, so let them have human poses.
Traditionally, the way to practice is by doing life sketches of nudes, but if you aren't seeing anybody at the moment, grab a camera and take pictures of normal people doing normal things.
I'd suggest against spamming forums. Try putting a link in your sig in forums you usually frequent, or at least talking about something besides your comic prior to subjecting it to people you've never talked to.
As an aside, while I wouldn't have been any nicer in my review had you not spammed the forum, I would have given fair warning before publishing it first. Let this serve as a lesson.
|Author:||Simon Jester [ Wed Sep 27, 2006 4:56 pm ]|
I dunno if asking for feedback in an art forum would be considered spamming, DeeT. Unless, y'know, they did it in every art forum they could find, registering specifically for that purpose. Anyway, heaven knows you obliged.
The color scheme is striking - I actually like the idea of doing some of the line work in bright colors. I would, however, recommend against using greys in that capacity. Blacks stand out more, and won't look washed-out against the reds, greens, and blues. As it is, the eye tends to ignore the grey lines at first, leaving one with a mental image of floating hair and clothing.
The writing so far is decent, if a bit bland. I imagine this will improve over time. Six comics, after all, is hardly a strong sample - especially when it's the <i>first</i> six and we're still on the exposition. As far as dialogue goes, what you've written is, for the most part, pretty natural. It gets a bit stilted from time to time, though, mainly when someone's establishing a scene or event. Don't shy away from text boxes and thought bubbles - that's what they're there for.
The panel layouts are good. They're free and flow well without being confusing. This can be an issue in a comic as wordy as yours, but so far it's being handled well.
All in all, I'd say this strip has some potential. We'll know better once the characters have had time to develop a bit.
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