The Nightstar Zoo

Stuff you know if you have an AK.

It works though you have never cleaned it. Ever.
You are able to hit the broad side of a barn from inside.
Cheap mags are fun to buy.
Your safety can be heard 300m away.
Your rifle comes with a cheap nylon sling.
Your bayonet makes a good wire cutter.
You can put a .30" hole through 12" of oak, if you can hit it.
When out of ammo, your rifle will nominally pass as a club.
Recoil is manageable, even fun.
Your sight adjustment goes to '10', and you've never bothered moving it.
Your rifle can be used by any two bit nation's most illiterate conscripts to fight elite forces worldwide.
Your rifle won some revolutions.
You paid $350.
You buy cheap ammo by the case.
You can intimidate your foe with the bayonet mounted.
Service life, 50 years.
Its easier to buy a new rifle when you want to change cartridge sizes.
You can repair your rifle with a big hammer and a swift kick.
You consider it a badge of honor when you get your handguards to burst into flames.
After a long day at the range you relax by watching "Red Dawn."
After cleaning your rifle you have a strong urge for a stiff shot of Vodka.
You can accessorize your rifle with a new muzzle brake or a nice stock set.
Your rifle's finish is varnish and paint.
Your wife tolerates your autographed, framed picture of Mikhail Kalashnikov.
Late at night you sometimes have to fight the urge to hold your rifle over your head and shout "Wolverines!"

Stuff you know if you have an AR

You have $9 per ounce special non-detergent synthetic teflon infused oil for cleaning.
You are able to hit the broad side of a barn from 600m.
Cheap mags melt.
You can silently flip off the safety with your finger on the trigger.
Your rifle has a 9 point stealth tactical suspension system.
Your bayonet is actually a pretty good steak knife.
You can put one hole in a paper target at 100m with 30 rounds.
When out of ammo, your rifle makes a great whiffle bat.
What's recoil?
Your sight adjustment is incremented in fractions of minute of angle.
Your rifle is used by elite forces worldwide to fight two bit nations most illiterate conscripts.
Your rifle won the cold war.
You paid $900.
You lovingly reload precision crafted rounds one by one.
Your foes laugh when you mount your bayonet.
Service life, 40 years.
You can change cartridge sizes with the push of a couple of pins and a new upper.
You can repair your rifle by taking it to a certified gunsmith, it's under warranty!
You consider it a badge of honor when you shoot a sub-MOA 5 shot group.
After a long day at the range you relax by watching "Blackhawk Down."
After cleaning your rifle you have a strong urge for hotdogs and Apple Pie.
Your rifle's accessories are eight times more valuable than your rifle.
Your rifle's finish is Teflon and high tech polymers.
Your wife tolerates your autographed, framed picture of Eugene Stoner.
Late at night you sometimes have to fight the urge to clear your house, slicing the pie from room to room.

Stuff you know if you have a Mosin Nagant

It was last cleaned in Berlin in 1945.
You can hit the farm from two counties over.
What's a mag?
What's a safety?
Your rifle has dog collars.
Your bayonet is longer than your leg.
You can knock down everyone else's target just from the shock wave of your bullet going downrange.
When out of ammo, your rifle makes a supreme war club, pike, boat oar, tent pole, or firewood.
Recoil often used to relocate shoulders thrown out by the previous shot.
Your sight adjustment goes to 12 miles and you've actually tried it.
Your rifle has fought against itself and won every time.
Your rifle won a pole vault event.
You paid $59.95.
You dig your ammo out of a farmer's field in Ukraine and it works just fine.
You can bayonet your foe on the other side of the river without leaving the comfort of your hole.
Service Life, 100 years.
You believe no real man would dare risk the ridicule of his friends if he suggests there is anything but 762x54r.
If your rifle breaks, you buy a new one.
You consider it a badge of honor when you cycle 5 rounds without the aid of a 2x4.
After a long day at the range you relax by visiting the chiropractor.
After cleaning your rifle you have a strong urge for shishkabob.
Your rifle's accessory is a small tin can with a funny lid, but its buried under an apartment building somewhere in Budapest.
Your rifle's finish is low grade shellac, cosmoline and Olga's toe nails.
You're not sure there WERE cameras to photograph Sergei Mosin.
Late at night, you sometimes have to fight the urge to dig a fighting trench in the yard to sleep in.

Hehehehe :)

But c'mon, the Mosin-Nagant has got to have a longer service life than that... :)
(So does the AK-47... the one I had in the army back in 1998 had been made in 1957.)

Anyway, I've never used the other two, but I can vouch for the accuracy of the AK-47 facts. :)

Stuff you know if you have an 1985 Nagant

You have the only gas sealing revolver in existence
You can get a barrel silencer kit for a 100 year old single action revolver.
You can change cartridges by buying a different box. (.32 long, .32 magnum)
People see your ammunition and think you've never loaded the brass.
What's a sight adjustment?
Your cleaning rod is a long string.
The last time your gun was cleaned was the October Revolution
Service life, 120 years and counting.
What's a safety?
Every time you reload, tears come to your eyes.
What's a repair?
If the gun breaks, you'll never notice.
When someone jumps up yelling "Six shots, got you!" you shoot them.

Reloading process

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I'll get a life when it is proven and substantiated to be better than what I am currently experiencing.