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PostPosted: Wed Apr 14, 2004 2:38 am 
So, how about meals gone catastrophically awry? ;)

My worst experience was probably when I tried to make a really nice chicken dish for a date, and it came out rubbery, undercooked, and generally blerg. The sauce had too much chili in it, and tasted ridiculous, and the rice came out undercooked. That's when we gave up and ordered Chinese.

I tend to forget most of my mistakes, though. :-/


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 14, 2004 2:47 am 
Hmm, I tried to make meatloaf and it came out burnt to a crisp and in edible.


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 14, 2004 3:40 am 
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Energizer Bunny
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You know Lipton "Pasta Sides" alias "Noodles And Sauce"? Well, one day I had one of the beef-flavor ones floating around, and decided to make it.

I poured the mix into a microwave dish, put the dish in the microwave, set for the usual time. 5 minutes later I noticed an awful burning smell. I'd forgotten to add the water.

The microwave was in the trash the next day.

In other news, I've also absentmindedly poured italian dressing (the oil and vinegar kind) into a glass of milk.

Vorn


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 14, 2004 12:04 pm 
When I was young my Mom got me a microwave cookbook. While most things I tried worked out ok, one night I tried to make chicken nuggets, which turned out to be hard as rocks.

Also the time I recently tried to make my own salad dressing, balsamic vinegar and sesame oil kicked my butt :(


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 14, 2004 1:27 pm 
For the longest time I could not hard boil to save my life. They would either be raw or rubbery. This from the same person who could throw meals together with no recipe and I'm not talking about using box anything.


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 14, 2004 1:31 pm 
Would be a toss-up between my black fried rice, or egg with shells in it.

Incidentally, have you seen my bbq beef patties? You can use them as hockey pucks.


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 14, 2004 2:04 pm 
I once tried to make meatloaf, but I forgot to put the crackers in, so I ended up with meatballs.


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 14, 2004 4:48 pm 
When I was little I dropped a bunch of random vegetables and a hunk of cheese into a pot and boiled the lot of it until there was a skin on top. It would have been edible, but for the cheese.


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 14, 2004 5:51 pm 
Back whwn I was living in an off-campus apartment in LA, I tried making a chicken & mushroom dish. Except I misread the recipe and used 1/2 cup chicken broth instead of 1-1/2 cups. The sauce ended up a thich sludge that tasted like pure nast.

Later on I tried again and it was damn tasty.


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 14, 2004 7:59 pm 
When I was about 17, a buddy and I were camping on one of the midriver islands in the upper Mississippi, with a bunch of trotlines strung to catch catfish. We found a possum in the willows, smacked it in the head with a stick, and strung it up over the fire. Gamy, greasy and tough. Yeecchh.


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 15, 2004 2:55 am 
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High school home ec class. Made biscuits with baking soda instead of baking powder. Class policy was we had to eat what we cooked. Ecchy.

I've forgotten veggies on the stove before. Blackened broccoli is not your friend.

About a year ago, I made a big batch of hot & sour soup. Came time to add the peppers, I was using a new type of dried red szechwan peppers that I hadn't used before. I crushed up a handful into the soup, waited a few minutes, and tasted. Not hot at all. Crushed up a second handful, simmered a few minutes, getting there. Crushed up another half handful, figuring these peppers were farking WEAK, simmered for a few more minutes, tasted, it was good. By the time I served it, the peppers had released their full flavor, and they turned out to be full-flavored szechwan peppers after all. Would have scorched paint off the side of a house. Absolutely yummy otherwise, though.

And on a related note, later that night I rubbed my eye, and the hidden capsaicin in my hands went to work on my eyeball. OUCH! Even though I'd washed my hands (with soap) several times since making the soup...

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PostPosted: Thu Apr 15, 2004 11:36 am 
I like to think I'm an accomplished home chef. I always cook for my friends, I've made pasta from scratch, I can cook at least three dishes from each continent (except Antarctica, smartasses), and I just love getting down and dirty in a kitchen.

But even I have one horror story.

Here's the list of ingredients for your generic tapioca pudding.

Ten ounces of tapioca
1 quart of milk
6 ounces of sugar
6 yolks of eggs
2 whipped whites
the grated rind of a lemon
2 ounces of butter
and a little salt.

See, I had a box of tapioca I was reading this off of. I missed the part where it says 'ten ounces' of tapioca. I just tossed in the whole box worth.

I didn't have tapioca. I had wall spackle. Literally. I checked in on it, and it had the exact same consistancy of stuff I've used to patch holes in walls.

I broke two wooden spoons, a spatula, and bent a metal spoon beyond all hope of repair just trying to force that stuff out of the pot.

If we had tried to use it to reinforce the apartment, that place would never have fallen down. In the Discworld, there's Dwarf Bread. I made a batch of Dwarf Pudding. :wink:


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 15, 2004 5:48 pm 
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Nightstar Graveyard Daemon
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Location: Wouldn't you rather observe my Velocity?
I made fried scones once from memory--and by memory, I mean someone TOLD me the recipe and I went home and "remembered" it.

Would have been okay, but I remembered 1.5 Cups of Salt instead of 1.5 Tbsp.


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 16, 2004 10:43 am 
Chalain wrote:
Would have been okay, but I remembered 1.5 Cups of Salt instead of 1.5 Tbsp.

:rofl:


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 16, 2004 11:22 am 
Chalain wrote:
Would have been okay, but I remembered 1.5 Cups of Salt instead of 1.5 Tbsp.


um, damn....

I've made brine mixtures for saltwater aquariums that didn't take 1.5 cups of salt. I mean, Vermi can attest to my total lack of cooking skills, but even I knwo that you can always add salt to a dish, but you can never take it away.

I hope you got that common sense gland checked out well afterward. Looks like it failed you. ;)


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 16, 2004 11:46 am 
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Location: Wouldn't you rather observe my Velocity?
Well, I was 11 at the time. I blame my parents. :) In her defense, mom was going, "Um, are you SURE there this much salt?"

On the plus side, "Fried Salt Lick" has a catchy sound to it, doesn't it? Too bad it tastes like ass.


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 16, 2004 11:07 pm 
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Official Village Idiot
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Location: Room L, Hotel Raffles, Luna City
My sister and I had a similar experience to your, chalain. We were cooking our mom a birthday dinner, and there was a typo in the cookbook. Thus the carrots were cooked with two cups of salt instead of two teaspoons. It did seem a little odd that half a container of the stuff went into the pot . . . .

I've since learned to pay a little more attention to common sense when cooking. :)

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PostPosted: Wed Apr 28, 2004 11:36 pm 
when I was about 5 I put a slice of pizza in the microwave and put in a time of 99:99.

at 80:99 the pizza was on fire and my mom was using the fire extinguisher, when all was said and done, there was a black thing that was the shape of a slice of pizza.


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 28, 2004 11:53 pm 
You are a 'tard Siris.

I like that.


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 28, 2004 11:55 pm 
DarthBaboon wrote:
You are a 'tard Siris.

I like that.


I was only 5 at the time, and I couldn't think of any cooking screw ups since then that I have done, so I went with that.

but I guess that is a compliment if you like it.


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 28, 2004 11:58 pm 
SirisC wrote:
DarthBaboon wrote:
You are a 'tard Siris.

I like that.


I was only 5 at the time, and I couldn't think of any cooking screw ups since then that I have done, so I went with that.

but I guess that is a compliment if you like it.


Most 5 year olds I know can operate a microwave.

Not that I am one to talk. When I was 3 I would hold my breath until I passed out and run into poles.


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 29, 2004 12:00 am 
DarthBaboon wrote:
SirisC wrote:
DarthBaboon wrote:
You are a 'tard Siris.

I like that.


I was only 5 at the time, and I couldn't think of any cooking screw ups since then that I have done, so I went with that.

but I guess that is a compliment if you like it.


Most 5 year olds I know can operate a microwave.

Not that I am one to talk. When I was 3 I would hold my breath until I passed out and run into poles.


back before windows did most 5 year olds you knew know how to use a computer effectively?


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 29, 2004 12:02 am 
Most 5 year olds I know were just glimmers in their mothers' eyes when windows didn't exist. :wink:


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 29, 2004 12:04 am 
DarthBaboon wrote:
Most 5 year olds I know were just glimmers in their mothers' eyes when windows didn't exist. :wink:


so you didn't have the joys of running ms dos 1.1, 2.5, 3.0, or 6.0 ? (those are all the versions I can still find a 5.25 inch floppy of) I also still have an unopened copy of windows 3.1 still shrinkwrapped.


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 29, 2004 1:06 am 
heh, you got me beat, i started off on ibm dos 1.8, then jumped to 3.0 and 6.0 came with windows 3.1 (not 3.11) :D

Worst dish i ever made? Well, i make a pork roast where i stab it a lot and every stab wound gets a pinch of salt and a pinch of rosemary, flavor goes thoughout all the meat, well, lets just say i added a wee bit more than a pinch per... If you over salt meats, generally the inside isn't that salty, but due to the stabbing, there was nowhere to hide...


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PostPosted: Tue May 04, 2004 4:00 pm 
I once had a notion of making a black-bean soup. So I took some black beans, some salt pork (for flavor) and wound up with a flavorless but salty black broo with slimy bits of pork in it. It got pitched.

On another note: I find its a very good idea to bake with Turbinado ("raw") sugar. Because of its tan color, it is impossible to mistake for salt.


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PostPosted: Tue May 04, 2004 5:01 pm 
richardf8 wrote:
I once had a notion of making a black-bean soup. So I took some black beans, some salt pork (for flavor) and wound up with a flavorless but salty black broo with slimy bits of pork in it. It got pitched.


It got pitched or it was pitch?


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PostPosted: Sat May 15, 2004 4:42 pm 
DarthBaboon wrote:
It got pitched or it was pitch?

Pitch is organic - must be good for you!


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