The Nightstar Zoo

Ah, a new recruit to the armory, eh? No problem, I'm sure we can kit you out. Let's see...know you killed 'em before they die...what have I got here?

*rummage, rummage, clank, tip crash, tumble*

Aha!

Here you go: one slightly used Protonic Decay Force-Bubble projector. Sure, it looks like a ugly bilious gray blob with random spikey bits, but it's actually made to order for your request. You point the muzzle at someone and they are captured inside an invulnerable, immovabile, permanent force bubble. The inside of the bubble has the words "This bubble brought to you by Jindra34" in great big neon letters, marquee-style. The entrapped person can't get out, doesn't age, doesn't get thirsty...in fact, they won't die of anything, until the very protons of the universe decay (hence the name). After the decay of all the protons in their body...well, they're pretty well dead.

Just one thing--I have no idea which bit is the muzzle, so aiming at the target instead of, say, yourself may be a bit tricky.

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After 3 long, weaponless years, I became the wielder of the Doobie/Dobie gun!

I understand that. You are allowed to put ask for your weapon to do or be certain things but its not garunteed, and if if given may not be how you intended.

Edit: See above. I was hoping for something of melee nature. I suspect I would get a weapon that had a simple report function. I never guessed I'd get anything like that, but hey its suitably diabolical for my nature.

Quite so. In fact, that's the fun of being a volunteer forum armorer: figuring out how to twist a weapon request.
Nice one, Whitehawke!

*reads your profile to find your most commented on thread, the one regarding how not to smuggle fullerened antimatter*
Hmm.
*pulls out a brown paper bag and rummages in it*
*a fine powder rises from the bag and floats through the room*
Ehh. Dammit, getting the goods all over the place.
*Withdraws a box of doughnuts from the bag. The powder, which is white, covers his arm to the elbow.*
I can't make heads or tails out of what to give you for a weapon. Care for a powdered doughnut while we wait for another armorer to step up?

Does one have to possess a forum weapon to serve as an armourer?

Whilst I do like doughnuts, I can't help but wonder what this one's coated with...
Would you (or, indeed, it) mind if I tried setting it off, before eating it?

On the one hand, being armed in a forum full of Rule 37 worshipers sounds like a good idea (MAD without the ability to assure said destruction is... well, mad), but on the other I recall the old saying about "be careful what you wish for, you may get it".

Decisions, decisions...

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Proud owner of the The Mad M.A.D. Bomber. Nails not included.

Its yours to do with as you please. OF course if you accept it and detonate it you will have been issued a weapon, therefore you would not get issued a second ever. Your choice.

Ooh, VERY nice! You asked without asking. For that, I'll try to find you something cool.

*rummage, rummage*

Let's see...spikey axe-cannony thing with fiddly bits? Nahh; the lime green polka dots ruin the effect of the hot pink nanopaint covering. Hmm...3TT rubber chicken? Hmmm, nah. White whole projector? Feh, batteries are dead.

*unlock, dig, rummage, rummage...check inventory...toss stuff over shoulder* Hmm...maybe in the experimental vehicle bay? *walk, walk, walk, unlock, search*

Aha! Here we go!

Nohbody, I present you: The Mad M.A.D. Bomber. He (it?) is an AI-piloted hypersonic stealth fighter jet capable of carrying and dropping up to six Mobile Armor Divisions (M.A.Ds) with nail-driving precision. The AI is a bit Mad: in order to prove his accuracy, he will only drop M.A.Ds on nails that have not been fully driven in yet. Fortunately, once on the ground the M.A.Ds are glad to take your orders...as long as those orders don't include "return to the Bomber".

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After 3 long, weaponless years, I became the wielder of the Doobie/Dobie gun!

Into the fridge stasis it goes, then. (To be consumed - or expended - at leisure.)
I suppose this would make me the wielder of a suspiciously-coated doughnut of (potential) doom? (And I really wish my pointer would stop moving on it's own whilst I'm trying to type this...)

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Robinson's First Law - Anything travelling at two miles per second is carrying it's own weight in blam.
Doughnut, anyone?

Thank you! And kudos to you for the amusing-yet-lethal Antifullerene-Powdered Donuts Of Doooom!



Nope. Have at it and have fun.

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After 3 long, weaponless years, I became the wielder of the Doobie/Dobie gun!

[Ash]Groovy.[/Ash]



Sounds nifty, though I imagine the upkeep on said divisions wouldn't be cheap, after the purpose for their deployment has been fulfilled, since like toothpaste they won't go back in the delivery container without making for a really big mess. Guess that just means I have to be really selective about my targeting decisions.

Now to see about putting a partly driven-in nail somewhere in Washington, DC that won't get me arrested as a suspected terrorist...

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Proud owner of the The Mad M.A.D. Bomber. Nails not included.

Just so happens we have just the thing here . . .

*rummage*

You like a pocket knife? Here you go. One general purpose pocket knife.

You won't find its equal anywhere. Of course, it's only a tiny little blade, but that's natural - you don't need a machete to cut pockets into trousers!

Arming the spambots again?

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"The problem with mercenaries is that they need to be paid to start fighting. And, unless you are very lucky, you end up paying them even more to stop." -Havelock Vetinari

At least no one has gotten around to spamming the armbots.




Yet.

Terah seems to have recently asked for a weapon in another thread...

*rummage*rummage*rummage*
Hey, who emptied the bin of repeating repeaters? Yeah yea, they were recursivly recursive, that was the point!
*rummage*rummage*rummage*
Ooh, nice. A man portable elephant cannon.
*rummage*rummage*rummage*
Snazzy, and it even comes with a quiver. If you call a dozen dump trucks a quiver, but the power plant is shot....
*rummage*rummage*rummage* Ah, a box of F'Sherl-Ganni ... well, it translates crudely as 'Auspicious Trinkets'. A breakfast food that is marginally healthy. With decoder ring.
The ring inside this box will decode any message and print the resulting message on its screen. Just point & click. It'll even work on coded documents, encrypted hard drives, password files, etc, getting you past most any non-F'Sherl-Ganni security system. It automatically translates messages for you, so you don't need to know their native language. With this (ahem) kids toy, you can wage an intelligence war against most foes, a key role in any warfare. I'm sure you can find a F'Sherl-Ganni dictionary somewhere.

I did say the decoder ring translates? Yeah, only to F'Sherl-Ganni, and its automatic. The translation feature is non-configurable. What do you expect for a 5 credit kids toy?

//Torrenal

That's not likely to ever happen. I've rigged them to explode at the first spamming attempt. You can thank me later.

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"You think you know munitions? Darling you don’t know jack. What do you know about micro-missiles and nerve disruptors? What do you know of micro-janglers and variable grenades? Have you ever seen an e-dust commando? No? Well come talk to me when you earn your claws. It’s a big universe out there and most of it is trying to kill you already."

'Big' Kat Mikkelson to John. J. Johnson on his first day at boot camp.

I am new here but as veteran of several flame wars I am already armed with sharp spinning similies ,dred deadly metaphore and rediculous planet flattening hyperbole.

Of course I am always in the market for improvement. Perhaps something easyer to deploy and less prone to colateral damage than the rediculous planet flattening hyperbole.

You know, I've got an armbot just sitting here. You could use it as Schmuck bait for hackers and spammers if you want, and it also works pretty well as an armbot.

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"You think you know munitions? Darling you don’t know jack. What do you know about micro-missiles and nerve disruptors? What do you know of micro-janglers and variable grenades? Have you ever seen an e-dust commando? No? Well come talk to me when you earn your claws. It’s a big universe out there and most of it is trying to kill you already."

'Big' Kat Mikkelson to John. J. Johnson on his first day at boot camp.

Would that be a robot that distributes armament, a robot that distributes arms (as in, the thing that was connected to the shoulder), or a robot arm (as in to pick things up, and replace the things that the second type of armbot removes)?

Also, pet peeve: I really wish that popular media hadn't overwritten the meaning of "hacker" with the meaning of "cracker." A hacker used to mean a really good programmer, one who got it intuitively and could "hack out" code; while a cracker was a person who "cracked" into systems. A hacker could be a cracker, and a cracker could be a hacker, but it was not guaranteed either way. You could have a hacker of superlative skill who had no ability to crack, or a cracker who was not a hacker (we call 'em "script kiddies" now, among other things). The best hackers were not necessarily crackers, but the best crackers were always hackers, hence the confusion.

*sigh* never did get a forum weapon...

hint, hint.

Excellent , thank you very much!

What better could a Georgia Cracker wish for?

Oh, uh, is this where one arms up?

I may have a kind of distressing lack of armaments, alas.

Be careful with how you word your request, Reaver225. When I submitted a post similar to yours, I was issued a Jedi's severed arm. I've tried using it to inject myself with midichlorians, but it's mostly been useful to grab the TV remote when it's just out of reach.