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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Thu Dec 05, 2013 1:35 pm 
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HiTiredImJ wrote:
<Briefly considers the world-ending, but immobile, fire starter before quickly slipping the sack of gemstones into his back pocket>

Thank you, Ishidan, for your stellar weapon choice. I shall cherish them always (or a dozen times, as the case may be).


*grumble, grumble* Stupid weapon-issue-stealing Ishidan, giving the launchie something actually effective and easy to use. *grumble, grumble*

Keep this up and the launchies may NOT die within the first few seconds of the Great Forum War, and then we'll actually have to deal with them. Grumble, grumble, mutter.

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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Thu Dec 05, 2013 10:09 pm 
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Whitehawke wrote:
*grumble, grumble* Stupid weapon-issue-stealing Ishidan, giving the launchie something actually effective and easy to use. *grumble, grumble*


Easy to use? Certainly. Effective? Hmm... not so much. D&D grades everything on a flat curve, success usually only advances your goals moderately, whereas failure is often disastrous. As a system the DM usually has to softball everything. E.g. if you have 4 characters of level N, then the recommended challenge rating is 1 monster of level N. A fair encounter would be 4 monsters of level N, but the players would have a 50% chance of a TPK. Without the DM throwing you softballs, D&D is a meat grinder. In a totally 'fair' D&D world, if the players need 13 encounters to advance to level 2, the players would only have a 1 in 8192 chance of making it that far.


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Fri Dec 06, 2013 12:00 am 
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Whitehawke wrote:
Keep this up and the launchies may NOT die within the first few seconds of the Great Forum War, and then we'll actually have to deal with them. Grumble, grumble, mutter.


Well then you'd better make sure you take him out quickly, before he can finish a summoning. And then loot the corpse. The Deity cares not who summons him.

(then see how long it is before the next guy figures out the same thing.)


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Fri Dec 06, 2013 12:50 am 
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Whitehawke wrote:
HiTiredImJ wrote:
<Briefly considers the world-ending, but immobile, fire starter before quickly slipping the sack of gemstones into his back pocket>

Thank you, Ishidan, for your stellar weapon choice. I shall cherish them always (or a dozen times, as the case may be).


*grumble, grumble* Stupid weapon-issue-stealing Ishidan, giving the launchie something actually effective and easy to use. *grumble, grumble*

Keep this up and the launchies may NOT die within the first few seconds of the Great Forum War, and then we'll actually have to deal with them. Grumble, grumble, mutter.


Whoa, whoa, whoa, I've been here over five years...


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Fri Dec 06, 2013 3:03 pm 
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HiTiredImJ wrote:
Whoa, whoa, whoa, I've been here over five years...


*grumble, grumble* just because he's been here forever he thinks he's not a launchie...he had no weapon, I tell you, no weapon!!! It's maddnneeeeessssss!!!

:D It took me 3 years to get the Doobie / Dobie gun. I feel your pain.

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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Fri Dec 06, 2013 7:17 pm 
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Whitehawke wrote:
HiTiredImJ wrote:
<Briefly considers the world-ending, but immobile, fire starter before quickly slipping the sack of gemstones into his back pocket>

Thank you, Ishidan, for your stellar weapon choice. I shall cherish them always (or a dozen times, as the case may be).


*grumble, grumble* Stupid weapon-issue-stealing Ishidan, giving the launchie something actually effective and easy to use. *grumble, grumble*

Keep this up and the launchies may NOT die within the first few seconds of the Great Forum War, and then we'll actually have to deal with them. Grumble, grumble, mutter.


That's what you get for a)Disappearing and letting your interns run the show, and b) Not issuing MesCorp weapons.

That's exactly what you get.

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And if you're ever in a fight involving thermonuclear weapons, shoot first.


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Fri Dec 06, 2013 7:19 pm 
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HiTiredImJ wrote:
Whitehawke wrote:
HiTiredImJ wrote:
<Briefly considers the world-ending, but immobile, fire starter before quickly slipping the sack of gemstones into his back pocket>

Thank you, Ishidan, for your stellar weapon choice. I shall cherish them always (or a dozen times, as the case may be).


*grumble, grumble* Stupid weapon-issue-stealing Ishidan, giving the launchie something actually effective and easy to use. *grumble, grumble*

Keep this up and the launchies may NOT die within the first few seconds of the Great Forum War, and then we'll actually have to deal with them. Grumble, grumble, mutter.


Whoa, whoa, whoa, I've been here over five years...


Yes, but that's just what you think.

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Bring a knife to a fist fight. Bring a gun to a knife fight. Bring a grenade to a gun fight. Bring mortars to a grenade fight. Bring thermonuclear devices to a mortar fight.

And if you're ever in a fight involving thermonuclear weapons, shoot first.


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Sat Dec 07, 2013 2:44 am 
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Rick wrote:
Whitehawke wrote:
*grumble, grumble* Stupid weapon-issue-stealing Ishidan, giving the launchie something actually effective and easy to use. *grumble, grumble*


Easy to use? Certainly. Effective? Hmm... not so much. D&D grades everything on a flat curve, success usually only advances your goals moderately, whereas failure is often disastrous.


Also, he only responds to requests for divine intervention on tasks that could conceivably be done WITHOUT a miracle but by a sufficiently skilled and lucky person, hence the caveat that requests may be declined.
You can't, for instance, use it to say "I roll for a heavy machine gun to appear in my hands right now". That'll get you a summoned DM who snorts and vanishes again, maybe taking one of your dice as an "idiot tax".
On the other hand, you can say "I see an enemy has set up a machine gun nest over there. I roll to see if I can sneak up behind him, kill him, and steal his machine gun". 20 = His first clue of your approach is one of your hands wrapping around his neck, the other smoothly drawing his own combat knife from his belt. After you toss his lifeless corpse aside, you're pleased to discover that you had even timed it right-he had just finished locking in a fresh ammo belt. The gun's trigger practically aches for the touch of your finger. Beats the roll but not a 20 = You get the drop on him, but he resists. He's dead, but you just made a lot of noise-the other fighters now are very aware of your position. Also, do you know how to operate this gun? Fails to beat the roll = You're ten feet away from the pit when you put your hand in the wrong place. A twig snaps, and you clearly hear the sound of the gunner's sidearm clearing leather.
Natural 1 = An unexpected pile of dog poop slows your approach. The gunner starts shooting just as you're coming over the wall of the pit. Startled by the sound, you forget your footing, and your poop-covered shoe slides. You stumble and fall face first, throwing out your hands to catch yourself. Your right hand smacks into the open lid of his spare ammo box, mashing your right index finger. You reflexively roll away from the source of the pain, and roll yourself right up against the sandbag wall. A previously unnoticed scorpion takes offense, and lashes out blindly...and now a question of etiquette, do I give you the ass or the crotch? Either way, the gunner notices and goes for his sidearm.

You get the idea. Performance enhancer, not total miracle worker. Still more useful than some we've given out, of course.


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Mon Dec 09, 2013 12:00 pm 
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mesmorino wrote:
HiTiredImJ wrote:
Whoa, whoa, whoa, I've been here over five years...


Yes, but that's just what you think.


I lurked for some time. I only made an account so I could post in a physics thread. Sadly. I was still an undergrad who thought he knew everything, so my contribution wasn't the largest... but still, the forum sidebar says I
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Joined: Mon Apr 28, 2008, 1:34am
. So, I went back to lurking.

I've been biding my time, waiting for a chance to raid the arsenal request a weapon that might be useful when things hit the fan.

I'm not sure a bag of dice is that weapon, but if I bide my time... I might be able to raid the arsenal um... steal someone else's weapon ... assimilate anothers assigned arsenal armament and aid approved autonomous attacks.

... also, alliteration!

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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Tue Dec 10, 2013 10:04 am 
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HiTiredImJ wrote:
I'm not sure a bag of dice is that weapon, but if I bide my time... I might be able to raid the arsenal um... steal someone else's weapon ... assimilate anothers assigned arsenal armament and aid approved autonomous attacks.

... also, alliteration!


Is that why you've been staring at my pants?


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Tue Dec 10, 2013 10:25 am 
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Rick wrote:
HiTiredImJ wrote:
I'm not sure a bag of dice is that weapon, but if I bide my time... I might be able to raid the arsenal um... steal someone else's weapon ... assimilate anothers assigned arsenal armament and aid approved autonomous attacks.

... also, alliteration!


Is that why you've been staring at my pants?


No comment.

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A small, royal lavender pouch embroidered with 'The Royal Crown' in golden thread, containing a dozen rare gemstone icosahedrons.

God does not play dice with the universe... but it appears that I do.


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Sat Dec 28, 2013 12:17 am 
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Does anyone remember if I've been armed? It's been nine years, and I'm forgetful (I think I may be setting up an elephant joke there somewhere...)

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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Sun Dec 29, 2013 3:58 am 
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Betsumei wrote:
Does anyone remember if I've been armed? It's been nine years, and I'm forgetful (I think I may be setting up an elephant joke there somewhere...)


Searching through your profile posts, it appears you have not been-at least, not on the Nightstar board.

So. As a senior forum member, you deserve a weapon that works. As a Loxie, you have a few advantages I can work with, I suspect.
*rolls out a bushel-size stasis container* Here we go, a bushel of fruit from the Tree of Knowledge Mark II.
While bearing a great resemblance to ordinary apples in shape, size, and flavor, devouring one will imbue you with knowledge. The best part is that you can call the shot of what kind of knowledge you wish to have. Just declare what it is you want to know before eating. Consider it just like somebody in the Matrix calling their operator for a skills dump.
The more you eat, the more you know: one normal human-sized bite gives you a rookie's knowledge. Eating one like a normal human eats (most of the flesh, sans core) will give you subject knowledge comparable to a journeyman. Eating it core and all will give you knowledge equal to the greatest master of the field. (this is where having a loxie-sized mouth will come in handy, I think-from clueless to grandmaster in a single gulp!)

Now, you can only have one fruit active at any given time: the effects of a fruit do not wear off by themselves, but eating another will mean that all knowledge you had from the previous fruit is erased and overwritten. So, for example, if you eat a fruit while asking for the skills to pilot an aircraft that you've otherwise never touched before, it would be ill advised to eat another fruit while piloting the vehicle. You can, however, ask for the same skill set more than once.


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Fri Jan 03, 2014 11:15 am 
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Ishidan wrote:
Betsumei wrote:
Does anyone remember if I've been armed? It's been nine years, and I'm forgetful (I think I may be setting up an elephant joke there somewhere...)


Searching through your profile posts, it appears you have not been-at least, not on the Nightstar board.

So. As a senior forum member, you deserve a weapon that works. As a Loxie, you have a few advantages I can work with, I suspect.
*rolls out a bushel-size stasis container* Here we go, a bushel of fruit from the Tree of Knowledge Mark II.
While bearing a great resemblance to ordinary apples in shape, size, and flavor, devouring one will imbue you with knowledge. The best part is that you can call the shot of what kind of knowledge you wish to have. Just declare what it is you want to know before eating. Consider it just like somebody in the Matrix calling their operator for a skills dump.
The more you eat, the more you know: one normal human-sized bite gives you a rookie's knowledge. Eating one like a normal human eats (most of the flesh, sans core) will give you subject knowledge comparable to a journeyman. Eating it core and all will give you knowledge equal to the greatest master of the field. (this is where having a loxie-sized mouth will come in handy, I think-from clueless to grandmaster in a single gulp!)

Now, you can only have one fruit active at any given time: the effects of a fruit do not wear off by themselves, but eating another will mean that all knowledge you had from the previous fruit is erased and overwritten. So, for example, if you eat a fruit while asking for the skills to pilot an aircraft that you've otherwise never touched before, it would be ill advised to eat another fruit while piloting the vehicle. You can, however, ask for the same skill set more than once.


Whoa whoa whoa what's all this then?! That bushel is not a MesCorp weapon, and neither is the Tree of Knowledge! Good grief, it's like I need more lobbyists or something!

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Bring a knife to a fist fight. Bring a gun to a knife fight. Bring a grenade to a gun fight. Bring mortars to a grenade fight. Bring thermonuclear devices to a mortar fight.

And if you're ever in a fight involving thermonuclear weapons, shoot first.


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Fri Jan 03, 2014 1:33 pm 
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Has Mescorp got an alternative?

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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Fri Jan 03, 2014 10:57 pm 
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mesmorino wrote:
Whoa whoa whoa what's all this then?! That bushel is not a MesCorp weapon, and neither is the Tree of Knowledge! Good grief, it's like I need more lobbyists or something!


Second rule of arms dealing, mate. Perhaps best well known is "never get shot with your own merchandise", but slightly less well known is "Always take care of your customers. Or the competition will take care of you."

*lobs a small, spherical, shiny object in your direction*

Have a free apple.


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Sat Jan 04, 2014 5:53 pm 
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Betsumei wrote:
Has Mescorp got an alternative?


Pfft, not only do we have alternatives, they are better alternatives!

You're not getting one though. Everyone gets one weapon issue per galactic cycle, you just used yours on some dodgy tree thing.

When in doubt, ask for a MesCorp weapon. We'll even start making them actively user friendly, as opposed to merely overwhelmingly target hostile!

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Bring a knife to a fist fight. Bring a gun to a knife fight. Bring a grenade to a gun fight. Bring mortars to a grenade fight. Bring thermonuclear devices to a mortar fight.

And if you're ever in a fight involving thermonuclear weapons, shoot first.


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Sat Jan 04, 2014 6:03 pm 
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Ishidan wrote:
mesmorino wrote:
Whoa whoa whoa what's all this then?! That bushel is not a MesCorp weapon, and neither is the Tree of Knowledge! Good grief, it's like I need more lobbyists or something!


Second rule of arms dealing, mate. Perhaps best well known is "never get shot with your own merchandise", but slightly less well known is "Always take care of your customers. Or the competition will take care of you."

*lobs a small, spherical, shiny object in your direction*

Have a free apple.


If we're throwing things, I should warn you that the only things MesCorp staff throw are high yield thermonuclear devices.

Also, we're in the process of reviewing our arrangement with you re: Preferred Munitions Issuer. It wasn't even an explosive device of some sort, a freaking BUSHEL! And not of something like a coconut, freaking APPLES!

No no no that is too much to stomach.

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Bring a knife to a fist fight. Bring a gun to a knife fight. Bring a grenade to a gun fight. Bring mortars to a grenade fight. Bring thermonuclear devices to a mortar fight.

And if you're ever in a fight involving thermonuclear weapons, shoot first.


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Sat Jan 04, 2014 7:07 pm 
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mesmorino wrote:
No no no that is too much to stomach.

For you, maybe. But I'm quite sure an Ellie can stomach an entire bushel. Another advantage for Betsumei!

Not ordinary apples either, of course: apples of knowledge.
And knowing is half the battle. Therefore, by insane troll logic, Betsumei will survive at least half of the Great Forum War.

Yes yes, of course it suffers from the whole "it can only address known unknowns, not unknown unknowns" thing, but that's warfare for you.


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Sun Jan 05, 2014 3:04 am 
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Knowledge is power, and a bushel of apples contains 44.6 MJ, which is the equivalent energy of 10.66kg of TNT. I bet that's a lot of knowledge.

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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Mon Jan 06, 2014 9:39 am 
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Congrats on the totally appropriate weapon Betsumei.

Now, Might I humbly request a weapon useful in the defense of the area?
Of course, I realize the Best defense is a Really Good Offense, so that leaves the field open.

Ramjet, Msgt, USAF, Ret.
(Former Integrated Avionics Spec [includes fire control] F-15, F-16, F-111)
Also collected and proficient in medaeval weapons and armor, but those are rather heavy for prolonged conflict.

PS had been lurking for some time prior to my first post. Always best to recon the terrain prior to contact.

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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Mon Jan 06, 2014 10:11 pm 
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Ramjet wrote:
Congrats on the totally appropriate weapon Betsumei.

Now, Might I humbly request a weapon useful in the defense of the area?
Of course, I realize the Best defense is a Really Good Offense, so that leaves the field open.

Ramjet, Msgt, USAF, Ret.
(Former Integrated Avionics Spec [includes fire control] F-15, F-16, F-111)
Also collected and proficient in medaeval weapons and armor, but those are rather heavy for prolonged conflict.

PS had been lurking for some time prior to my first post. Always best to recon the terrain prior to contact.


You'll have to work on your customer service there, Mesmorino. Just coming out of the fabber is another IshidanCo custom build.
I agree, the best defense is a really good offense, and the best offensive weapon is one that's VERY offensive.
In the same tone, I note that you are proficient in things that begin with the letter F.
Therefore, I present a weapon that should provide you with control over many things that begin with the letter F, including fear, force, fire...as well as foulness.
*clips a form-fitting device to your fundament and hands you a control pad. You should feel right at home already.*
Know how the Marvel villain Pyro could control and amplify fire, but he had to have some fire to start with? with this device, you can do the same with your flatulence. Amplify its volume to create a gusting wind or a fortississimo rumble, amplify its odorous constituents to cause area-denial to unprotected personnel or create a fuel-air bomb waiting to happen, and so on.
Of course, you do have to turn your back on your target, and have 'one in the chamber' so to speak. (IshidanCo takes no responsibility for 'misfires', nor for user failure to be fueled and on alert when the Forum war breaks out)
As it would be remiss of me to issue a weapon without ammunition... *signals to an assistant, who rolls out a float-pallet upon which are stacked boxes of Fiber-One bars, cans of baked beans, and bottles of saurkraut*

There you go. Performing the French Taunt was never so much fun! You can accept this as your weapon, or wait for Mesmorino to present you an alternative...your choice...


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Tue Jan 07, 2014 11:39 am 
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I'll take it!
I like it, Especially since I failed to mention I have been known to drive all occupants of a moving van to bail out with said Flatulence.
In a New Hampshire Blizzard no less.
Therefore, this weapon works to one of my lesser known strengths. (One of my "Reserve for Total War" ones)

Thank you ! :twisted:
I'll be sure to keep my Gas Mask handy as well.

Ramjet
Now Bearer of the Weapon of Total Area Denial

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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Tue Jan 07, 2014 1:59 pm 
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Ishidan wrote:
You'll have to work on your customer service there, Mesmorino. Just coming out of the fabber is another IshidanCo custom build.
I agree, the best defense is a really good offense, and the best offensive weapon is one that's VERY offensive.
In the same tone, I note that you are proficient in things that begin with the letter F.
Therefore, I present a weapon that should provide you with control over many things that begin with the letter F, including fear, force, fire...as well as foulness.
*clips a form-fitting device to your fundament and hands you a control pad. You should feel right at home already.*
Know how the Marvel villain Pyro could control and amplify fire, but he had to have some fire to start with? with this device, you can do the same with your flatulence. Amplify its volume to create a gusting wind or a fortississimo rumble, amplify its odorous constituents to cause area-denial to unprotected personnel or create a fuel-air bomb waiting to happen, and so on.
Of course, you do have to turn your back on your target, and have 'one in the chamber' so to speak. (IshidanCo takes no responsibility for 'misfires', nor for user failure to be fueled and on alert when the Forum war breaks out)
As it would be remiss of me to issue a weapon without ammunition... *signals to an assistant, who rolls out a float-pallet upon which are stacked boxes of Fiber-One bars, cans of baked beans, and bottles of saurkraut*

There you go. Performing the French Taunt was never so much fun! You can accept this as your weapon, or wait for Mesmorino to present you an alternative...your choice...


IshisdanCo is performing insider trading as a result of a MASSIVE conflict of interest. This of course is a shameless attempt to muscle MesCorp out of the business, but it's not going to work because all your base are belong to us.

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Bring a knife to a fist fight. Bring a gun to a knife fight. Bring a grenade to a gun fight. Bring mortars to a grenade fight. Bring thermonuclear devices to a mortar fight.

And if you're ever in a fight involving thermonuclear weapons, shoot first.


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Wed Jan 08, 2014 3:45 am 
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mesmorino wrote:
IshisdanCo is performing insider trading as a result of a MASSIVE conflict of interest. This of course is a shameless attempt to muscle MesCorp out of the business, but it's not going to work because all your base are belong to us.

Well, one part of that is correct, anyway.
*prints it out, tapes it to the dartboard, and takes a toss at the ten-ring*


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Wed Jan 08, 2014 3:55 am 
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Ramjet wrote:
I'll take it!
I like it...

And that's how we do it.
Nothing like knowing your customer base.
May your foes flail and flee your funk.


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Wed Jan 08, 2014 5:34 pm 
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... and friends filter furiously.

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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Thu Jan 09, 2014 12:20 am 
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mesmorino wrote:
If we're throwing things, I should warn you that the only things MesCorp staff throw are high yield thermonuclear devices.

So... don't ask to borrow a pen unless you're already within arm's reach?


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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Thu Jan 09, 2014 8:37 am 
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strange_person wrote:
mesmorino wrote:
If we're throwing things, I should warn you that the only things MesCorp staff throw are high yield thermonuclear devices.

So... don't ask to borrow a pen unless you're already within arm's reach?
Are you sure you want to borrow a MesCorp pen?
If you're lucky you will only loose your hand when it self-destructs while you're using it.

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 Post subject: Re: what's your weapon?
PostPosted: Thu Jan 09, 2014 11:07 am 
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max_da_killah wrote:
strange_person wrote:
mesmorino wrote:
If we're throwing things, I should warn you that the only things MesCorp staff throw are high yield thermonuclear devices.

So... don't ask to borrow a pen unless you're already within arm's reach?
Are you sure you want to borrow a MesCorp pen?
If you're lucky you will only loose your hand when it self-destructs while you're using it.

Oh no. Mescorp pens destroy whatever you are writing on when used when stolen. Someone over there apparently had the bright idea to use the casing to make it a shaped charge.


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