So I've been running around this forum, blissfully ignorant of my combat ineffectiveness. I'm here to rectify that. Yes, I'm reporting late, yes I'll report for kp duty after receiving my weapon. Will somebody issue me a weapon please?
Since your volunteering for KP duty here's your Good Old Tried and True (C) Mark 1 Vegetable Peeler:
Someone will come along and issue an actual combat weapon
any time now, but remember EvilE Inc for all your BATTLE TESTED (TM) tool needs!
What's this? EvilE Inc. passes by an opportunity to issue a weapon? How unusual.
Fortunately, IshidanCo is on the scene.
An analysis of your posts at the time of your arrival here indicate that your busiest thread was on the subject of manufacturing capability, and here you agree to serve in the kitchen. Therefore...
*places an earthenware bottle with a clamp stopper on the table*
Behold your weapon. The AnyBottle. It is able to instantly conjure any plant-based extract that you can name (although it will always conjure it at room temperature).
This will give you a wide range of opportunities, including from combat multiplier to saboteur.
It is said that an army travels on its stomach. This is where the combat multiplier part comes in, as you can raise the morale of your allies by conjuring coffee (although tepid), fruit based sauces or sugar syrup for making field rations more palatable, floral extracts for masking the stenches of battle, or stave off dehydration with coconut water or other juices. Although it cannot conjure alcohol (that being a byproduct of yeast, not a plant extract), it can conjure other liquid psychoactive plant extracts such as kava
Should you manage to gain access to the enemy's galley, the sabotage opportunities are endless. Just as a trooper with a full and working belly is more effective, disrupting the enemy's food is sure to cause havoc. The oil of the castor bean, for instance, is well known for its intestinal disruptive effects, as are extracts of the more potent members of the fruits of the Capsicum family--and that's assuming you aren't the kind to lace the food with something highly and directly toxic, a description that many plants fill.
Even in the heat of combat, the AnyBottle can be useful. An oil slick is good for area denial whether the oil is petrol based or plant based, after all, and there are many plant extracts that can be combined with your potato peeler to yield an effective weapon: the ever popular ricin
comes to mind. (although, sadly, the most vicious venoms are animal- insect- or bacteria- produced, which the bottle cannot conjure). Just remember to wash your gear before peeling more potatoes for friendlies.
(weapon characteristics inspired by the Goblins Anymug
, bottle design inspired by this deliciousness