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PostPosted: Sun Jun 05, 2005 5:41 pm 
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Lurks-no-More wrote:
I'm armed with a Large Wooden Mallet, in the finest anime tradition; it comes with a stylish extradimensional pocket (so-called "hammerspace"), for discreet and convenient storage.


I thought those could only be used by female anime characters, and could only be used against male anime characters who had just made some sort of sexually harrassing comment?


Vermilion wrote:
The especially dreaded 45 caliber pistol: Made by the same manufacturer, it is concealable in a jacket, airport security will miss it a guaranteed four times out of five, and be used to literally shoot tax assessors.

The Dobie-Matic: Fires dobermans at the target. Low penetration, but excellent for intimidation. The dobies tend to get hungry, but don't worry about it. The ammo is definitely belt-fed.


Oooh, a gun with tax assessors for ammo, or a gun with Dobermans for ammo. Decisions, decisions.

All things considered, I'll take the Dobie-Matic...I don't want to keep tax assessors that close to me, for fear that I might accidentally get some of their ick on me.

Now I just need to buy a few gross of belts to keep the Dobies fed....


Hey, zippthorne, can I borrow your punning clan? I'm thinking I could change the selector switch to a selecter switch, and use the 'o' I saved to give this thing a second mode as a Doobie gun. Yes, I can see it now: firing peace, tranquility, and horrible munchies at the enemy. Immediately followed by attack dogs.

Life is good. :> Thank you, Vermillion!


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Jun 05, 2005 6:34 pm 
Whitehawke wrote:
Yes, I can see it now: firing peace, tranquility, and horrible munchies at the enemy. Immediately followed by attack dogs.

Life is good. :> Thank you, Vermillion!
LFMAO, just make sure you get the dogs into that smoke, the munchies would kick in as their attacking.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Jun 05, 2005 6:40 pm 
I was given a chainsaw. Plain and simple.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Jun 05, 2005 11:34 pm 
A squeeky wheel, I can use it to deafen the enemy so they cannot hear the orders their supeiorors give them to duck when I throw it.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jul 28, 2005 2:18 pm 
Whitehawke wrote:
Lurks-no-More wrote:
I'm armed with a Large Wooden Mallet, in the finest anime tradition; it comes with a stylish extradimensional pocket (so-called "hammerspace"), for discreet and convenient storage.


I thought those could only be used by female anime characters, and could only be used against male anime characters who had just made some sort of sexually harrassing comment?


Anime Hammers are a Fourth Wall-breaking weapon, as such they are most powerful when agreement with the audience - comedic punishment of male characters at the right moment especially by women piques audience intrest and makes the hammer over 500% stronger. This weapon was invented by females, the operation is kept proprietary. They tied the Hammers into the audience agreement factor because of it's purpose; creating a deterrent for sexual harrassment.

They also require a certain amount of audience agreement just to pull out of the pocket dimention; although a teraport could bypass that requirement. This is why females cannot use Anime Hammers in any sort of real battle; the audience isnt primed for that.

Only Females wield this weapon; the weapon itself casts a mentally disruptive field that freezes the targets; in rare cases audience agreement will allow the weapon to be summoned and used but it's mental apathy field will not function; allowing the target to move out of the way. However no male has been able to actually steal the hammer so far; if this happened then audience agreement would simply send the hammer back to it's pocket dimention for later summoning by the female who owns it. This isnt to say that these are non-transferrable, however every anime female owns one and thus they arent given to anyone else.

Anime Hammers are non-lethal no matter how strong they are; this is also a consequence of the Fourth-Wall physics used in the Hammer. A Hammer could exert enough force to crack the Earth in two, but not kill the target character.

Anime Hammers in non-Anime fictional universes; or Anime Fictional Universes that do not conform to the Laws of Anime do not follow the above three paragraphs.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jul 28, 2005 3:17 pm 
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Location: Ground floor, first room on the right.
OH NOES! Farsooth! A zombie! See it shamble as if it alive but dead and rotten, never to be vital again!
[/lunatism]

Ah, a newbie! As per forum custom I issue you with a weapon:

The Gnarled Staff of Topical Necromancy!

Once a day you may use it to ressurect a forum topic in Undead form. Be wary, though, some people do not take kindly to necromancy and may apply their own weapons to your skull.

Have a nice day!

_________________
It's the real me, I swear!


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jul 28, 2005 4:50 pm 
I haven't been issued with a weapon yet.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jul 28, 2005 5:17 pm 
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OH MY GAWD! ANOTHER ONE! It never stops!!

Here, have the

Pessimistic Devourer Knife Staff of Impending Doom

Damage: 112 - 358
Fast Attack Speed
Range: 2
Requires Intelligence 35
Adds 1 - 3 Tickling damage
4% chance of Apocalypse

_________________
It's the real me, I swear!


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jul 28, 2005 5:55 pm 
I'm convinced you just strang random words together there. Nevertheless, I'll take it. With some minor reinterpretation. Knife Staff = Halberd, right?


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jul 28, 2005 9:36 pm 
All I have is a genuie Not-A-Mecha (made from real Not-A-Matter Antimatter) but don't ahve a Not-A-Pilot to pilot it.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jul 28, 2005 9:48 pm 
AnnoDomini wrote:
OH NOES! Farsooth! A zombie! See it shamble as if it alive but dead and rotten, never to be vital again!
[/lunatism]

Ah, a newbie! As per forum custom I issue you with a weapon:

The Gnarled Staff of Topical Necromancy!

Once a day you may use it to ressurect a forum topic in Undead form. Be wary, though, some people do not take kindly to necromancy and may apply their own weapons to your skull.

Have a nice day!


And exactly what do I do with this?


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jul 28, 2005 10:14 pm 
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Joined: Sun Mar 07, 2004 1:04 am
Posts: 353
Location: The Republic of Vermont
Pcm979 wrote:
I'm convinced you just strang random words together there. Nevertheless, I'll take it. With some minor reinterpretation. Knife Staff = Halberd, right?

More of a glaive or a spear, really. A halberd is more a Cleaver With A Couple Of Knives Welded On For Good Measure Staff.

Or possibly it's a group of subordinates and assistants with knives.

KirbyMeister wrote:
AnnoDomini wrote:
The Gnarled Staff of Topical Necromancy!

And exactly what do I do with this?

I dunno... it looks to me like you've gotten the hang of it already.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jul 29, 2005 1:42 am 
Gee.....and all I have is this triple-turret gatling gun. Damned heavy, I can't shoot a thing with it, and it's too bulky to make portable.

Vermillion - can I trade this piece of junk for that Dobie-gun? Dogs like me.... :twisted:


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jul 29, 2005 4:38 am 
John Campbell wrote:
More of a glaive or a spear, really.
I could run with that. If it was a pair of scissors I couldn't, obviously.
John Campbell wrote:
Or possibly it's a group of subordinates and assistants with knives.
Hrm. I think their pessimism might get me down after a while.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jul 29, 2005 6:08 am 
at last, finaly I have gotten far enough in my own storyline to show yall what I'll be dicking about with in here...

just check this: http://psitech.keenspace.com/d/20050727.html

...and then go imagine what kind of firepower he might have.

I'll be having the same.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jul 29, 2005 8:15 am 
John Campbell wrote:
Pcm979 wrote:
Knife Staff = Halberd, right?

More of a glaive or a spear, really. A halberd is more a Cleaver With A Couple Of Knives Welded On For Good Measure Staff.

I wouldn't really call a spear's head a "knife". However, "glaive" is the exact word for such a design.
A good article about polearms is here.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jul 29, 2005 11:50 am 
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Posts: 353
Location: The Republic of Vermont
Castamir wrote:
John Campbell wrote:
Pcm979 wrote:
Knife Staff = Halberd, right?

More of a glaive or a spear, really. A halberd is more a Cleaver With A Couple Of Knives Welded On For Good Measure Staff.

I wouldn't really call a spear's head a "knife". However, "glaive" is the exact word for such a design.
A good article about polearms is here.

Well, look at it this way... if you were to strap your typical hunting knife or kitchen utensil on the end of a stick, would you classify the result as a spear, or as a glaive? I'd call it a spear, myself... the blade wouldn't be long enough to be a glaive. Now, if by "knife", you mean something like a seax or a sizable carving knife, then, yeah, that'd be a glaive. But there are also long-bladed spears that are as effective at slashing as glaives, where the primary distinction becomes that glaives are normally single-edged, while spears are usually double-edged, if they have edges at all. So, really, it could go either way... depends on the knife.


Oh, and a public service announcement: That thing from Blade is not a glaive. (Nor is it a mecha.) Hollywood lied to you. Again.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jul 29, 2005 12:37 pm 
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Pcm979 wrote:
I'm convinced you just strang random words together there.


Never played Diablo II or Dungeon Siege?

Pcm979 wrote:
Knife Staff = Halberd, right?


I was thinking along the lines of a dual naginata. Sorta like the thing the Predators used in the AvP arcade game.

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It's the real me, I swear!


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jul 29, 2005 2:36 pm 
AnnoDomini wrote:
Pcm979 wrote:
I'm convinced you just strang random words together there.


Never played Diablo II or Dungeon Siege?
No, but pessimistic devouring? Does it devour pessimists, or is it pessimistic in itself? Does it have a mouth with which to devour people? These are important questions.

AnnoDomini wrote:
Pcm979 wrote:
Knife Staff = Halberd, right?


I was thinking along the lines of a dual naginata. Sorta like the thing the Predators used in the AvP arcade game.
This whatsit?


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jul 29, 2005 8:45 pm 
Fer the sake of pity! Here, have a a new weapon: a bottle of side effects-only Olestra. What Olestra actually is supposed to do isn't as important as the side effects, which include 'fairy leakage'.

You can either have your old weapon that seems to be confusing you, or you can have the bottle of pills.
Binary choice set. Not both, and not a combination of the two.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Jul 30, 2005 5:40 am 
DCR wrote:
Fer the sake of pity! Here, have a a new weapon: a bottle of side effects-only Olestra. What Olestra actually is supposed to do isn't as important as the side effects, which include 'fairy leakage'.

You can either have your old weapon that seems to be confusing you, or you can have the bottle of pills.
Binary choice set. Not both, and not a combination of the two.


I thought chemical warfare was out of the question? (see the end of the "buffer" thread.) I want something that's about as long as my arm (max) and I can swing at enemies with.

......or that Glaive that those other boys are talking about would be a nice alternative....... :twisted:


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Jul 30, 2005 9:27 am 
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Ketira wrote:
I want something that's about as long as my arm (max) and I can swing at enemies with.


Here's the severed left arm of your cloned twin. We've put her back in stasis in case you need organs replaced.

_________________
Creator and Cartoonist, Schlock Mercenary


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Jul 30, 2005 10:03 am 
Haven't had a chance to test out my papercut chainsaw, but it's good to know the thing's handy in case I need it.

Not as powerful as a Beavertooth or a Chainsaber, but I'm new. Can't expect miracles.

Thinking of adding an iPod Flea and an amplifier to it, to get the soothing ommmmmmmmmminous hummmmmmmmm (unless Strohl patented that sound, like a Harley's rumble). I figure there's no point in recording a THOOOM sound; the saw's likely to be loud enough anyway...


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Jul 30, 2005 10:20 am 
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Pcm979 wrote:
url=http://www.planetavp.com/images/avp2screenshots/avp2combistick.jpg]This whatsit?[/url]


Nah. Wrong game. I'm talking about the arcade AvP. Predator Hunter used what I'm talking about. Can't seem to find the correct screenshot, though.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Jul 31, 2005 11:58 pm 
Is this what you meant? Btw, one of my favorite arcade games.

My weapon, handed out not so long ago, is "a trial subscription to the 'Conviently timed falling object' service. You get up to eight conviently timed falling objects per month, all of which are gaurenteed to be one ton or more in mass. This newly launched service includes automatic invocation, which means there's no need to awkwardly tell your pursuer 'I wouldn't do that if I were you' or run past a conviently placed 'Beware of falling objects' sign."

I haven't used it yet, as I have a lack of targets, and have yet to make a list of the best +1-ton objects to drop on an enemy (sorted by damage potential and comedic value). Which reminds me: why are we being armed? Raising an army to take over the other forums at Nightstar? Or just self-defense against all the other weirdos with fish-guns and inverto-grenades?


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Aug 01, 2005 12:15 am 
Why weapons? Why? Because.

Because I said so. Because someone started the custom, and it stuck. Because initiations are degrading and vile, pandering to the most vile, disgusting, degenerate and sadistic of the internet's denizens. Because the vast majority of SM readers are male, and weapons appeal to the vast majority of males. Because where else do you get to hand someone a dozen concrete eggs and an inner tube with the instructions, "Have fun"? Because it's a forum based on mercenaries. Because it's fun. Because tattoos are permanent.

Because.




I don't know why. Just enjoy.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Aug 01, 2005 4:20 am 
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Location: Ground floor, first room on the right.
Yeah, I personally find it somewhat better than 'flailing the n00bs.'

Though, I always thought it was Mr Tayler's idea, somehow.

And, yeah, Bishop136, that's the one I was referring to.

_________________
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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Aug 01, 2005 5:47 am 
Niiice.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Aug 01, 2005 10:24 am 
DCR wrote:
Because it's fun. Because tattoos are permanent.

Because.

I don't know why. Just enjoy.



Tattoo's are not permenant. They rot away a short time after you die.

I too, have no issued weapon - mostly because I've only just staggered in to avoid a rabid lasagna. I have however managed to salvage my Mk. III Giant Custard Cannon (Complete with fuzzy dice and plastic cactus). It has been known to fire week dead school cafeteria custard at those who mock its power.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Aug 01, 2005 10:37 am 
Here's your forum weapon then; a Rabid Lasagne (tm), this cute yet psychotic litlle pet will follow you round and you can sic it on people. We're not sure what it feeds on but it may be a good idea to keep a knife and fork handy at all times.


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